The guy hops over the hard shoulder like it’s a matter of life and death. “Please, sir, help me!” he calls out when I open the passenger door. I’m guessing he’s in his late 20s. His shirt is clean, his English is lousy. He talks as if he were about to have a heart attack, stammers something about his sick wife, with whom he has to go to a certain doctor – and about 100 euros for petrol. I put a bill in his hand. “God bless you!” he yells and runs back to his Opel. It’s only then that I realize that there isn’t a dying woman in the car, but two guys half laughing and sneering at me as they wave goodbye.
Why is this happening to me while I’m writing an article on trust? Dare! Show! Whom? Trust is good, control is better. Safety first. Grandma used to annoy us with such sayings. The message was that whoever trusts others is doing something wrong in life. “Anyone who relies too much on others wakes up with a fright,” warns Wilhelm Busch.
Is control really that much better than trust?
Psychologists have gained completely different insights in recent years. It’s high time for a few truths so that freeway rip-offs and old sayings don’t rob us of our faith in humanity.
Imagine the following situation: you get to know a very likeable local couple while on vacation. You talk and laugh, then they invite you to a party. But the street is in a neighborhood where tourists never get lost. Accept the invitation? Trust research likes to work with such clever mind games. Others collect their findings in the laboratory, such as the social psychologist David Dunning from the renowned Cornell University in New York. Test subjects received the equivalent of 7.50 euros from him and two options: keep the money or give it to another participant – with the prospect of earning up to 30 euros. But the possible profit played no role at all, rather it became apparent that the more specific information the test subjects had previously heard about their investment partner,
And what if I don’t have any concrete information on the hard shoulder of the motorway? “We found that well over 80 percent of the population is totally trustworthy,” says David Dunning. It sounds almost unbelievable: Eight out of ten strangers pay back money entrusted to you. Even if they could keep the amount with impunity. “We investigated this in the USA, in the Netherlands, in Germany – the results were almost identical everywhere,” says Dunning.
Those who trust expose liars faster.
His laboratory experiments have even become a new Internet trend: crowdfunding, a kind of credit marketplace. On sites like smava.de, director Sergej Goya is presenting his next film project “Hotel Desire” – and is looking for sponsors. These can be found in a circle of anonymous Internet users – the “crowd” – who later receive a bonus for their money, for example. A current survey shows that almost every second person would support projects financially through crowdfunding.
A leap of faith is almost always rewarded
It is no coincidence that experts call trust social capital: it also means that children can play carefree in the neighborhood and business people can conclude contracts with a handshake. Clearly: trust makes life easier. That’s exactly what Steffi finds out. She wants to buy her son a sports bow. At the checkout, she realizes that she doesn’t have enough cash with her. The EC card reader broke today of all days. “We’ll give you an invoice and you’ll transfer the money in the next few days,” says the salesman in a routine manner. Steffi is so stunned that she tells all her friends and colleagues about the scene afterwards. “Imagine that. That something like this still exists!” What Steffi’s story reveals: a leap of faith is usually rewarded. Steffi transfers the money immediately. And her anecdote is the best publicity a sporting goods store could ask for.
Almost everyone behaves like Steffi: they return trust with trust. Psychologists call this the “law of reciprocity”. Seen in this light, it is not surprising that trust leads to success. This applies to salespeople, teachers, architects – and even in the military, as US researchers recently found out in a long-term study: Even in the army, not the best fighters climbed the career ladder. But those who treated their colleagues and superiors with trust and loyalty right from the start.
Besides, as the Canadian economist John F. Helliwell found out, trust makes people happy. His studies show: A little more trust in the boss increases our life satisfaction more than a salary increase.
We can’t always control whether we trust.
The message seems clear: “Assume your fellow human beings have the best intentions and meet them without suspicion – life will reward you for it.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that easily. Because we cannot necessarily choose between trust and distrust as we can between butter and margarine. Trust is a feeling that sometimes eludes conscious control. Some approach others openly throughout their lives. Others are more cautious and reserved.
Confidence depends on age and gender
The path we take is often decided in the first year of life. If the infant experiences the parents as reliable and loving, the so-called basic trust or “trust in trust” develops. Traumatic experiences destroy it, trigger a deep emotional insecurity and often mental disorders.
Women and men trust very differently
Later, at the age of three to four, children already trust the majority opinion , says Kathleen Corriveau from Harvard University. If you watch women discussing the name of an object, you will sense which view prevails – and trust it more. “Children can also tell if one person is intentionally harming another,” explains Dr. Amrisha Vaish from the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig. And react accordingly: Anyone who is willfully evil will not be helped. A behavior that may even be genetically programmed, as twin studies show. These genes and different upbringings may also trigger the huge differences in confidence between men and women.
As with Steffi and her husband Hans-Georg. He likes everyone who drives the same car as he does or uses the same mobile phone. “Great guy,” he then says and trustingly buys the biggest lie from his counterpart. Steffi is less dazzled by externals. She knows that not everyone is an angel just because they happen to have the same birthday as hers. Researchers from the University of Ohio say that men are more gullible and women are more generous when someone proves to be trustworthy.
And who do we trust anyway? Scientists have been researching this too. The result: we trust religious peoplemore than non-believers, women more than men, and seniors more than teenagers. Faces also inspire trust – but only if they resemble our own, found Lisa DeBruine of McMaster University in Canada. Existing prejudices, for example about “foreigners”, reinforce this effect. Nice and good. But if 80 percent of people can be trusted, what about the other 20 percent? “It would certainly be a mistake to trust everyone at all times,” admits psychologist David Dunning. That’s why he recommends an attitude he calls “generalized trust.” Motto: I trust until I’m convinced otherwise . Openness with a small pinch of vigilance.
For me, the question remains: How do I react the next time people wave for help? Well, I’ll pull over, open the passenger door, and see if there’s anything I can do to help. Trust begins where risk begins. And if only a fool takes a risk, then I’ll just be a fool.
Test – “Gullible or suspicious – what kind of person are you?”
Tick which letter best describes you. In the end, the letter with the most crosses is decisive.
1 A strange, neatly dressed woman speaks to you at the train station. She claims that she forgot her handbag with cell phone and wallet in the taxi, but she absolutely has to catch the next ICE and therefore borrowed 50 euros from you. How do you react?
A I give her the money. After all, this is an emergency.
B It depends. If the woman seems honest to me, I’ll gladly give her the money. If I have a bad feeling, I politely decline.
C I tell her I don’t have any cash with me. I never give anything in such situations.
2 You want to go on vacation for three weeks. Who is taking care of your house or apartment during this time?
B I ask a close friend or relative to check on things regularly.
A I just lock all windows and doors and rely on the vigilance of my neighbors.
C I have an alarm system that is managed by a security service. Occasionally I call the neighbors from my hotel and ask if everything is ok.
3 You log in to Facebook. How much information do you put on the internet about yourself?
C Log in to Facebook? We’ve got that far! I don’t want to be visible on the web.
B I read through a few specialist articles on the subject beforehand and then make my decision.
A I’ll stick to the default settings. After all, I have nothing to hide.
4 You meet a local couple while on vacation. The two invite you to a party – in an unfamiliar part of the city. What do you do?
B I rely on my intuition. If the two seem honest to me, I celebrate with them.
C I claim to have something else in mind.
A Of course I’ll go. Great adventure!
Suppose you find yourself in financial distress. How would you act?
C Then I could only hope that my savings will suffice. I don’t count on the help of friends.
A I trust friends and family to help me.
B Difficult. I’m not sure if I would really get the help I would expect in such a case.
6 Imagine: your 16-year-old daughter wants to go away for the weekend with her boyfriend, whom you hardly know. OK for you?
A Yes, why not? I could rely on my daughter one hundred percent.
C No, absolutely not. She can do that when she’s 18.
B I would probably allow it because I don’t want to appear stuffy. I would have felt a little queasy in the stomach.
7 You have been feeling ill for a long time. They are examined and given medication, but it hardly brings any improvement. “You have to be patient,” the doctor comforts you, “we may have to do more tests .” How do you react?
A He’s definitely right. Grass also doesn’t grow faster when you pull on it. I’ll take his advice and wait.
B If it’s still not better in a week, I’ll go to another doctor.
C That’s not enough for me. I’m going to another doctor right now.
Evaluation: Your crosses give it away
Predominantly Answer A
You are a very open person who believes in the goodness of people. You are probably popular and have many friends. It doesn’t bother you that your good nature is sometimes taken advantage of.
Predominantly Answer B
You tend to trust others and at the same time have an excellent knowledge of human nature. You’ve learned over the years that you can trust your gut feeling. This almost always saves you from disappointment.
Predominantly Answer C
You are a cautious person who rarely makes mistakes. However, sometimes you feel like your life could be a little bit more exciting and colorful.
