Do you know the reciprocity rule? No? But certainly the feeling of being indebted to someone. Because he did you a favor. Although you may not have even asked for it, you feel a little obligated to do something in return. Why not? It gets difficult, however, when we come across people who want to profit from our feelings of connectedness.
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subtle manipulation
Recently in the supermarket B. I just wanted to treat myself to something again. A little something to start the weekend. It was just the right moment for a sip of wine from the tasting counter. On offer: a dry Riesling – free of charge, of course. The young woman behind the counter introduced me to oenology in such a friendly manner that I immediately relaxed. The bitter drop did the rest. And although I didn’t particularly like it, a bottle ended up in my shopping basket: a rather expensive free sample. What happened? The young lady offered me an “in advance” favor. And already I felt obliged to her. After all, it is not appropriate to just take.
culture of giving
You also have to be willing to give something. So says the rule of reciprocity, with which we are all socialized. The thought behind it: A society benefits from exchange, not from one-sided enrichment. Anyone who just holds out their hand – without giving anything in return – is quickly seen as an egotist, miser or scrounger. The question remains: How could I have escaped? Should I just ignore the reciprocity rule? Then I would definitely have a bad conscience. Or should I generally avoid this type of offer in the future? Next time I’ll enjoy another sip, but instead of buying the “free sample” at a high price, I say politely: “Thank you!”, I wish you a sunny day and I’m happy about my newly won freedom. I don’t break the rule like this:
interview with dr dock builder
And for this feeling I pay 20, 30 euros at a supermarket stand, even though I don’t even really like the wine? Yes, if the rule is exploited for commercial purposes, it can get really expensive. In English, gift means “poison” – a word that still existed in Middle High German. Today we only know the term “dowry”: a gift that forces a bond. And that’s exactly what it’s all about in the commercial sector. The seller “gives” something – in addition to the free sample, maybe a little information about the product, there too a nice smile – for one reason only: The bond between him and the customer should be strengthened. We buy from this dependency.
The main thing is that the whole thing feels balanced? Yes, this emotional aspect is important. In every relationship, not just between buyer and seller. Let’s take the example of a flat-sharing community: Who cleans up here, does the dishes, cleans the toilet? It is crucial that those involved perceive a fair distribution of tasks. Just like in a partnership or at work.
Speaking of jobs: Let’s assume that a colleague spontaneously hands me material for a workshop that she recently attended. It’s not really my topic, and I have a suspicion that she hopes this gesture will help her with her next project. How do I behave? Rejecting the documents would jeopardize the relationship. But relativize the value that this “gift” has for you. Roughly along the lines of: “Thank you for thinking of me, but it’s not my issue at the moment.” When is something in return considered appropriate in general? That depends on the expectation of the other. What is important in social exchange is that the return service is based less on what you have received and more on the relationship between those involved.
“What actually connects us?” – The conclusion
How you return the favor is ultimately always your decision. Sometimes a sincere “thank you” is enough.
Conclusion:
If you feel like you have to do something good for someone, it’s worth asking “What actually connects us?” Is it more of a business relationship? Then we should calculate exactly what we give back. Or is it force of habit? Maybe we’ve been playing courtesy ping-pong for years and out of politeness nobody dares to stop?
Or on vacation: Instead of enjoying the precious time, we send dozens of cards and text messages – not only to dear friends and relatives, no, to everyone who has also considered us. That hasn’t been fun for a long time, but that’s how it should be – we think.
Or at Christmas : traditionally gifts are given. But what? An “anti-gifting pact” could help here. A clear agreement. However, everyone should be aware of the agreement. Because even the tiniest, nicely packaged little thing can spoil the evening if everyone else shows up without it. Isn’t it high time to get out? Then we would gain time for the people who are really close to us.
