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(Not) find love?
Is my partner just being selfish or does he have fears and feelings that make the relationship difficult? Many women ask themselves this question. Fear of commitment is a problem that is difficult to recognize. How many people are affected is unclear, because the signs are usually not recognized correctly or not treated. The eternal bachelor or the career woman who just doesn’t want to commit does not attract negative attention in our society. But who likes to be alone? As a survey for the German Happiness Atlas showed, people who love and are loved stay healthier and happier.
Come close to me, but stay away from me!
Talk about love today and retreat to your snail shell tomorrow or get the hell out of there. The fear of strong commitments, the responsibility of long-lasting relationships, some people find it difficult to bear. This behavior is commonly referred to as attachment anxiety. This fear causes long-term relationships with partners or family to suffer or, in the worst case, break. A life of fear and loneliness.
What creates fear of commitment?
In most cases, this fear of closeness to other people is based on trauma. The loss of a reference person or the unfulfilled desire for closeness and love from the parents can lead to such an enormous fear of loss in later life that close relationships are hardly allowed or not at all. To avoid the pain of loss, it is better to stay alone. This fear is not only found in men. Attachment disorders can occur regardless of age and gender.
Symptoms of fear of loss and attachment
Men are often associated with the fear of commitment, as the symptoms often manifest themselves as a lack of responsibility and selfishness, especially among friends and family. A very introverted lifestyle can also be a sign of emotional inhibition.
In many cases, everything begins quite normally. At the beginning of the relationship everything seems fine. Then from one day to the next extreme changes occur. The partner is constantly looking for a reason to argue or, in the worst case, withdraws completely. The peculiarity of not wanting to make long-term plans can also be a symptom of fear of commitment. Because the fear of loss and usually also low self-esteem inhibit the affected people from getting involved with a partner in the long term. In addition to these classic symptoms, strong jealousy can also be a sign of fear of loss and commitment, since these people have such low self-confidence that they have to live in constant fear of being abandoned. A study by the DFG research project on the subject of “relationship biographies in social change” showed thathad relationships . You should pay attention to partners with a conspicuous number of relationships.
Tips for the right behavior
Even if it doesn’t seem so at first glance, these people in particular long for love, security and togetherness. With the difference that they can’t stand this closeness in the long run.
But don’t panic now. Fear of commitment can be overcome. A study by the University of Mainz has shown that the fear of commitment can be overcome through positive experiences. Here you should pay attention to a few things.
- Be empathetic . And above all, take your partner’s fears seriously. In order to keep him independent, you should never restrict your partner too much. In this way you can make it clear that he can keep his independence in your partnership. Find out how much distance and freedom your partner needs and allow them this too.
- stay independent . In order to take the pressure off your partner, you should above all maintain your independence. You can also meet up with friends on your own or go to the cinema alone. This way your partner can see that he is not responsible for everything about you.
- Don’t ask too much . Don’t demand vows of love from someone who is afraid of commitment. This narrows him down and leads to panic. You should slow yourself down too.
- Make no plans for the future . Just don’t plan too far ahead. This is how you limit the strain on your relationship.
To ensure long-term healing or alleviation of the fear of commitment, a psychotherapist should be consulted.
