Tolfi Oow

Magazine for wellness, fitness and health

The ABCs of Happiness

Life is not a request concert? But! Often, however, we lose courage or motivation. For such moments, psychological counselor Su Busson invented an alphabet for the soul. Each letter helps to make small and big dreams come true – and leads us to powerful answers to the question: What do I really want?

A as in the beginning

Before you think about what you want to change in your life, take three simple rules to heart: 1. Many things in your everyday life are already going right, don’t fix anything that isn’t broken. 2.What goes well feels good. Do it more often. 3. Anything missing or going wrong takes energy. This exercise will tell you where these energy thieves are lurking : “Dream like a child”: Take 15 minutes. Ask yourself: what do I want to be, do, achieve, own, create or give to others? partnership, friends, family. Job, free time, health, finances – don’t leave anything out. Write down all the wishes that come to mind. On a new piece of paper, collect the wishes that are most important to you for the next twelve months. Think about it: What can I actively do about it myself? Finally, plan four concrete steps that you want to take today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.

B for enthusiasm

Remember A, (“What goes well, feels good. Do you do it more often?”) That’s what this is all about . What makes your soul shine? Which activities, people, places, animals, topics, etc. excite you? Write down all your sources of strength, big and small.

C wie Check

Starting point and incentive at the same time: Check how accurately these twelve statements describe your current situation. If you don’t apply or hardly apply (1 to 3 on the scale), you can find out on the far right which letters will help you. If a statement is correct (4 to 5 on the scale), you know that the corresponding letters are not (or no longer) important to you at the moment. Tip: Copy the test 12 times and take it again about every four weeks for the next few months to see what has changed as a result of working with the ABC. The downloadable test is at the bottom of the page.

D for gratitude

The ABC is designed to help you achieve some of your heart’s desires over the next twelve months. But a lot of things don’t happen overnight. You need patience, you have to endure setbacks. That’s why it’s important not to lose sight of all the things that are already going well. Consciously saying thank you regularly makes you happy and releases new energy.
Gratitude Ritual Exercise: Take a few minutes each evening. Think about it: What made me happy today and brought me forward? Who do I want to thank? For which matter of course am I grateful? Write down your answers, e.g. B. in a kind of diary. It is not important to say thank you for as many things as possible. If you feel deep gratitude for just one thing or experience today, that’s totally okay.

E for personal responsibility

It feels great to get compliments from people you care about when you achieve a goal or share your plans . “But if we make our existence and actions dependent on it, we pay a high price,” says Su Busson. “The best we can do is feel safe in a life where we’re not happy.”
At worst, you don’t implement any of your plans for fear of rejection. However , you can not know how “the others” will react to your behavior . You have to take responsibility yourself .
Exercise: Who or what exactly prevents you from acting independently? (H+M). Go through her wish list again (A). What do you need help for? What can you do on your own if you have to? Consider this: Hardly anyone reacts negatively to their plans out of malice. Rather, their fellow human beings fear, just like you, that your plans could change their relationship. They don’t want to lose you. Nice to know, isn’t it?

F for focus

Your desires deserve your full attention . Easier said than done. Every day countless stimuli compete for our concentration . As a result, we find it increasingly difficult to distinguish between what is important and what is not.

Exercise “Focus ritual”: It is best to take five minutes every morning. Withdraw to an undisturbed place (i+S). Close your eyes and focus on how you breathe in and out. Think about it: What is the most important thing for me today? What brings me closer to my dream today? What do I want to do to make it a good day? After that, you will start your everyday life with (more) focus.

G for beliefs

We all know them, the false beliefs (e.g.: “It’ll never work”, “You can’t do it anyway”). Each reflects a destructive thought pattern that makes us flinch from dreaming and wishing as if we had touched a hot stove. They are embodied by inner preventers who appear as soon as we “freak around”: doom-mongers, over-concerned and slobberers.

New Beliefs Exercise: Choose a wish from your list (A). Now imagine all of your inner obstacles sitting down at a table with you. Hear what they have to say. Ask yourself: Is this really true (on a scale from zero to 100 percent)? Don’t forget that every belief is just a way of interpreting the world. Look for alternatives! For example, design a large card on which as many continuations as possible should be for this sentence: “My dreams and wishes come true because …” You can then hang this card on your refrigerator or place it on your desk in the office in a clearly visible place.

H for action

Remaining able to act – sometimes a hurdle. When things are slow, motivation wanes, or fear paralyzes us. If nothing seems to be going on, ask yourself: What will help me to persevere (i+B)? Where can I get support (i+U)? What do I gain if I continue? If you lose your motivation, think about it: Do I really want this? Why? Desires change, or we eventually realize that they don’town are (i+E). Then it’s time to let go. If we cannot yet assess the consequences of our actions, fear sets in. Time for a reality check: How likely is a “disaster”? What have you experienced in similar situations? Imagine your fear is a person who wants to stop you from going any further. Put your arms around you in your thoughts and tell them, “Let’s go together.” (M)

I like inner guidance

You visit an apartment and feel: This is the right one. You’re driving and suddenly you know: Turn off, there’s a parking lot. In such moments we feel our inner guidance (intuition). In doing so, we use knowledge that we often do not even know that we know. Sounds complicated. But the most important thing is: You can trust the inner guidance! In moments of silence, when you are completely with your attention (i+F, i+S), you hear them most intensively. You can ask her questions, talk to her, or just listen to her. The more you do this, the more reliable it will be to help you when it matters most.

J for saying yes

The inner preventers are also an examination board that judges new paths with skepticism (G). So she counters her “club of naysayers and self-doubters” with a strong yes.

Exercise “magic potion”: Write the following sentences on an index card that you carry with you, or learn them by heart like a mantra: “I am right and valuable, just the way I am. I am unique. Like everyone, I have strengths and talents. Like every human being, I have weaknesses that show up in order to be changed. There’s nothing wrong with me I can be who I am. And that’s a good thing.” Say it at least mentally several times a day!

K for congruence

Whether a wish is congruent with our character, i.e. agrees with it, can be seen most clearly when we consider the duties associated with fulfilling it. “What’s the price if my plan works?” asks Su Busson, “and am I willing to pay that price?” The “Simsalabim” test by US psychologist Barbara Sher (“Live the life you dream of, dtv, 240 pages, 9.90 euros) tells you: Imagine a magician appears and – Simsalabim! “Your wish will come true. Imagine the situation as realistically as possible. Suppose you want a dog. Now you have him – and you have to take him out four times a day, whatever the weather. He has to be fed and trained and taken to the vet. Does the wish still feel right? Still want it?

L who Leo

As children, Su Busson and her friends used to yell “Leo!” while playing tag to save themselves. Your soul also needs a Leo, a place where it can rest, because change processes cost energy. So create a place of retreat (i+S) within your own four walls. You may also know of a place outside of your home—a building, a lake, or a park—to recharge your batteries. Think about it: Who are the people who support you? Who can you rely on 100%? (i+U) You’ve come to the right place whenever you need a break.

M for courage

The more we want to change , the more we fear the first step, the consequences and the risks (i+E, i+G). Put together your personal encouragement for such moments, such as powerful quotes. Consciously think about situations that you have mastered despite your fear, e.g. B. Your driving test. Or you imagine that you invite the lack of courage like a friend. Say to yourself, “I ask for courage now.” What feels different afterwards?

N for inaction

Put your hands in your lap, even though it’s about heart’s desires? Sounds paradoxical, but it protects against being overwhelmed: no one can continuously act only in accordance with their wishes and only do what “one” should do for such projects. If you feel like going to the cinema tonight, follow the impulse. Do things only when you really want to do them and at your own pace (i+Y). And who knows: maybe you will suddenly meet someone in the cinema, the place that actually has nothing to do with your plans, who can support you in an unexpected way. So doing nothing also means: letting things happen.

Oh how openness

Inner beliefs limit our perception (i+G): In the end we only register what confirms them. keep an open mind Just ask yourself: What if it gets good? What is the best that could happen? What can I do myself to make it good? A question that your inner guidance can also answer well (i+I).

P for change of perspective

We are creatures of habit (i+R) – even when we look at ourselves. But only a new perspective shows us new paths. Try it: Don’t brush your teeth with your writing hand. Rearrange some furniture. Take a different route to work. Even such a small change of perspective can make a big difference. And if a problem arises, ask yourself: What do I have to do to make it worse? They unmask “bad” habits all the faster.

Q for quintessence

We only notice how much we fight everyday life in autopilot when something unexpected happens: the S-Bahn is cancelled, a road was blocked, the smoke detector in the office suddenly went off. Autopilot may be convenient, but it gives us access to our heart’s desires rather not.
Exercise “The most important things”: Take about 10 minutes. Complete the following sentence several times in a row: “The most important thing in life is…” Think about it: What am I doing for it? How do I jeopardize it? Looking back, what would I like to be able to say about my life? Tip: You can hold a talisman, such as a piece of jewelry, in your hand during the exercise. This will make it easier for you in the future to remember your feelings during the exercise and to switch off the autopilot regularly.

R for ritual

Eating healthier, exercising more, hanging out with friends instead of watching TV – whatever behavior we desire, it takes about a month for it to become a habit. Why? Among other things, because we first have to give up existing rituals that we have grown fond of. So do the habit check.
Exercise “Habit Check”: Think about which habits and rituals you maintain in everyday life; good and not so good. Ask yourself: Which ones support my desires? You should keep them. You should consider alternatives to habits and rituals that tend to get in the way of your plans (i+D; i+F; i+S).

S for silence

We tend to shy away from moments of absolute calm. Because we ask ourselves: what will “come up” in me? But: “As long as we run from the silence, we run from ourselves,” says Su Busson. On the other hand, those who consciously evade the daily sensory overload act more authentically and focused (i+F; i I). Tip: It is best to allow yourself 15 minutes of silence five times a week, e.g. B. by meditating, doing yoga or withdrawing to your personal place of power (i+L).

T for zest for action

Making wishes come true requires, above all, mental work. However, your mental drive will only be maintained if you give your body what it needs: sleep , healthy food, exercise, relaxation. A short breathing exercise is often enough to give you an energy boost: sit up straight. Breathe in and out through your nose for five minutes. Feel the air fill your chest and stomach. Imagine how you suck in new life energy with every breath and blow away everything negative that is in you right now.

U like environment

It can inspire and paralyze us at the same time (i+E). It is all the more important to take stock regularly and honestly: who is doing me good? Who can I tell what’s on my mind? But also: Who costs me strength? Who is using me? You should spend more time with “Leo” people (i+L), but limit contact with energy thieves as much as possible. Also take care of your spatial environment. Get rid of things you no longer need. Rearrange, buy flowers, room fragrances, change the colors or the lighting.

V for trust

Shouldn’t something have changed by now? have i done enough Our (self-)confidence is easily shaken. The inner critic quickly responds: “I told you so!” (i+G). However, if you then try to control or accelerate things that you cannot really influence, you only disrupt the course of things even more (i+N).
“Trust” exercise: A good fairy gives you the deepest trust in life and the great certainty that fate is always on your side. How would you recognize this trust? What would that certainty change? What would you do (differently) from now on? What would you dare now?

W for freedom of choice

In every wish there is a decision: for one way of life and against another. Actually a great thing. Were it not for this fear of making the wrong choice. However, postponing a decision reflexively or not making it at all does not change anything – and is also a choice. When fear threatens your freedom of choice, ask yourself these questions: What is the worst that could happen? How likely is that? The imaginary catastrophe thus loses its horror. You can also use the change of perspective (i+P): What do I have to gain? What is the best that could happen? What price will I pay if I don’t make decisions now?

X like the factor X

When you have a strong desire for something, you also have the potential to make it happen,” says Su Busson. This power is what is meant by “X-factor”. That magical moment when we have effortless access to all of our abilities, know intuitively how to use them, and are immersed in what we are doing. Get to know your X-Factor. Think: What is my heart beating for? (i +B). What distinguishes me? What do I get compliments for? Where do others see my strengths? What did I want to be as a child?

Y like yin and yang

Everyone knows these two terms from Chinese philosophy, Daoism. They stand for principles (forces) that appear opposite at first glance, but cannot exist without the other at second glance. For example, Yang stands for light, hard, hot and masculine, Yin for dark, soft, cold and feminine. What does that mean for your “growth ABC”? Very simple: You should always work with both “passive” yin and “active” yang letters. Create your own feel-good rhythm. Yang letters: A, B, E, F, G, H, M, T Yin letters: D, I, J, L, N, O, S, V

Z like future

Where will you be in twelve months? No one can say for sure today. That’s why it’s so important to ask yourself regularly: what can I do here and now? In the rarest of cases, such radical steps as termination or separation are necessary. Rather, you should trust (i+V) that even small changes in the present can have a big impact on your future.
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Crystal Waston MD

Crystal Waston has a degree in Cross Media Production and Publishing. At vital.de she gives everyday tips and deals with topics related to women's health, sport, and nutrition.

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