You can tell someone you don’t know anything. According to this motto, more and more people trust in the anonymity of the network when they need help. One click is all it takes to find the latest information and exchange experiences and tips in personal contact with others. Without an appointment, without getting there, without explanation, without coming out of the real person. The relevant contact points on the Internet are health portals such as or platforms for certain illnesses such as cancer ( e.g. krebs-kompass.org ) or eating disorders . There are also special meeting places on the internet for psychological and social problems such as fears or loneliness .
But be careful, the help is not reliable everywhere. “You have to look at the pages very carefully,” advises psychotherapist Dr. Doris Wolf, co-founder of psychic.de: “It should be possible to contact experts free of charge on forums with psychologically sensitive content. And the posts have to be controlled by moderators.” When should you be suspicious? “If advertising and service are mixed up and no experts are named, every consultation costs money.”
Those who prefer to tackle their crisis with therapy will also find what they are looking for on the Internet. A pioneer was the University of Amsterdam, which developed Interapy, a form of therapy in which patients are cared for on their home computer. In Germany, there is a similar offer for crisis-ridden couples: With Theratalk, they can chat with experts about their problems, individually or together, for 150 euros per week.
USERS SPEND 39% OF THEIR INTERNET TIME ON SOCIAL NETWORKS
But there are also warnings about such sites: Many experts complain that important non-verbal signals such as tears or a trembling voice are neglected in Internet therapy and personal contact is missing. “In the case of manifest mental disorders, you won’t get anywhere with writing exercises at home,” criticizes Christiane Eichenberg, psychologist and Internet researcher at the University of Cologne. Therefore: Internet therapies only for minor disturbances. And make sure that you work with trained psychotherapists and tried and tested concepts!
Table of Contents
More than just talking: new self-help groups
“On the Internet I’m not alone with my fears”
MARION (46), from Herxheim, a 16-year-old daughter
The panic came from one moment to the next. I broke out in a sweat, gasped for air, and was so nauseous I couldn’t move. What started at Lanzarote airport changed everything. Because that happened to me again and again. In traffic jams, at the supermarket checkout, in elevators, in waiting rooms. Apparently whenever I felt exposed. What was going on?
The doctors found nothing, my environment reacted rather succinctly. “You’re just scared, try to relax.” But the harder I tried to pull myself together, the worse it got. Now there was the fear of fear. I hardly dared to go out on the street anymore.
At some point I came across websites about fears on the Internet. Those affected described their symptoms and their stories of suffering. I remember absorbing these reports like a sponge. Suddenly it was clear to me: My problem is an illness, not a weakness of character! And anxiety disorders are not an expression of an anxious nature – on the contrary: panic attacks primarily affect ambitious perfectionists like me, who absolutely want to keep control. I also found it incredibly reassuring that I wasn’t an anomaly. Affected people talked about all kinds of anxiety disorders on panic-attacken.de . I clicked in – and finally participated in the world again.
But a few months later I noticed the pitfalls of the web. The temptation is great to isolate yourself from the outside world with your virtual friends. Even more than before. But who will help if you have to start shopping again or take your child to the doctor? I realized that I had to take action myself. Nobody could take my fear away from me, only myself. So I tackled the things I dreaded the most: buses, supermarkets, doctors. And slowly my brain learned that nothing bad would happen then. Step by step my fears dissolved. Today I can lead a normal life again and I help other affected people on ohne-angst-leben.de – above all by encouraging them to take the initiative.
MORE THAN JUST TALKING: NEW SELF-HELP GROUPS
Thanks are due to the hippies: shaking up the establishment in the 1960s also paved the way for today’s self-help groups. It became normal, even desirable, for people to own up to their problems. “Meanwhile, self-help groups have established themselves as an important pillar of the healthcare system,” says Dr. Roland Bauer, board member of the German Association of Self-Help Groups. “Because people in self-help groups work on themselves actively and responsibly, they have the best chance of getting well. This is proven by medical studies. That is why the statutory health insurance companies are obliged to provide financial support for the self-help network.”
Self-help through job networks
According to estimates, more than three million people in Germany meet regularly in around 100,000 self-help groups to solve their problems together – because they are affected themselves or as relatives. Anyone who now thinks of somewhat wooden circles of chairs in sterile community halls is wrong. Because in modern self-help groups people no longer just talk, but work with the most modern methods. Such as in the tinnitus self-help group from Gelnhausen in Hesse. Apart from discussions in the group room, the members meet in monastery gardens, nature parks or at mystical places. The leader of the group, Hartmut Danker, trained as a cultural and landscape guide a few years ago and regularly takes his protégés out into nature. His experience: “Focusing your awareness on nature can work wonders for tinnitus. By smelling, tasting and hearing, those affected break out of their inner vicious circle – and escape the torment in their ears.”
Elke Wyrowski from Berlin had a similar experience. She was diagnosed with breast cancer more than ten years ago. After chemotherapy and radiation, she was considered cured, but the pain and fear remained. “It wasn’t until I met a music therapist that the sun rose again for me.” The two initially worked together, then founded the self-help group “Music Therapy for Cancer Patients”. Today, the group of eight meets every week for music lessons. “I find it amazing how music gets us going physically and mentally,” says Elke Wyrowski. “When we are in a good mood we play drums, on sad or tense days we play sound or stringed instruments. You don’t need any previous knowledge for this, just a little affinity. In this way we not only get to know our needs better, but also motivate each other through the instruments. One pulls the other along with his rhythm.”
So will soon every self-help group work with art & co.? dr Roland Bauer: “Of course, exchange and information remain the most important things. But educational processes also take place in the groups: They are a huge pool of knowledge and constantly give themselves new contours.”
Online help for eating disorders
“When working with clay, I got to know my feelings better – that stopped the eating disorder”
MIEREIKE (36), from Borken, married, an 11-year-old son
My family always ate well and plentifully. That’s why I was rather strong as a child. But as a teenager, my appetite got out of control. I constantly felt hungry and would gorge on any type of food. When I developed back problems in my early 20s due to being overweight, I was admitted to an eating disorder clinic. I lost weight there, but the cravings kept coming.
On a recent visit to the clinic, I heard about a special support group for eating disorders. Under the guidance of an art therapist, they would paint and design objects together. I was interested. At the first visit, the therapist explained, “Eating disorders are mostly related to suppressing feelings. Through the creative work you learn to perceive yourself better.” And really: During the following experimentation with clay, I felt how I slowly put my head down and completely immersed myself in what I was doing – no matter what form it came out of. It was only after some time that I realized what that really meant for my illness: While I was working with a wide variety of materials in my group and then talking about the results, I felt more and more clearly how I was finding myself and my emotions. I hadn’t been able to do that before with years of talking about food. Today I can identify and express my feelings like anger or sadness much better. Whenever I get hungry again, I listen to myself and try to fill the emptiness with something other than food. About with conversations.
Over 80 percent of the women actively help
FROM WOMAN TO WOMAN: SELF-HELP THROUGH JOB NETWORKS
Have you landed in a dead end? In a man’s world prevented from taking off? Missed the return to work after maternity leave? Most women are familiar with such phases in which nothing is progressing at work. How nice would be a bit of backing now! A tried-and-tested remedy in these moments: vitamin B. Fraternities, clubs or regular get-togethers have a long tradition as career drivers for men. Today, however, more and more women are also networking. Female rope teams are not a new invention. As early as 1919, some women entrepreneurs in the USA founded the Zonta women’s network – an association of working women dedicated to improving the position of women and mutual support.
In the meantime, Zonta has developed into an internationally operating network with almost 4,000 hand-picked members in Germany. Membership in the Connecta or Business and Professional Women (BPW) networks is less elitist, but still effective: Germany-wide, women starting their careers and returning to work, employees, the self-employed and mothers on maternity leave meet. They exchange professional experiences, industry internals and vacancies. “Women could also pull each other to the top,” emphasizes Dagmar Bischof, President of BPW Germany. “Each on our own and all of us together could achieve much more. For example, that women are finally reaching the wage level of men.”
A study at IBM in the United States shows the importance of personal advocacy: It found that promotions were based 10 percent on merit, 30 percent on image and 60 percent on awareness. It’s a good thing that women’s networks, including virtual ones, are very popular. For example, 15,500 women from all sectors communicate at femity.com. Occupation-specific associations such as the German Women Lawyers Association or the BücherFrauen are also very popular. Anja Loesch, employee of the publishing house: “Thanks to the mentoring program of the “BücherFrauen”, I have become clear about my professional direction. Today I work independently, but I am employed in publishing PR. After the talks, I shelved my plans to become self-employed. That didn’t suit me so well
88% OF NETWORKED WOMEN HAVE ACTIVELY SUPPORTED OTHERS
“Thanks to several tough women from the industry, I made a fresh start”
NATALIA (43), from Duisburg, single
My entry into the professional world could not have gone better. I had done my doctorate in Spain, then moved to Germany and started as a geologist at the University of Bochum. A dream job in which I could use my knowledge in a targeted manner. But at some point the research project was over and so was my employment contract. I was left with nothing. How should it go on? All universities had to save, none of them spent more money on research. My previous career path was blocked for me, I had to come up with something new. Only what? I had no connection to business or industry. Should I switch industries and retrain? My thoughts went in circles. I didn’t know what to do and was very insecure. Frustrated, I filled out an application for unemployment benefits.
Then a friend of mine told me about Connecta. The women’s network is active nationwide in regional groups. The members would support each other in professional and social issues. I wanted to know more about it – and read in the statutes: “Connecta women support each other in their personal and professional competence.” I liked that. I went to the next meeting. Immediately the women shared my concerns and referred me to an experienced member who could coach me. Together we thought for hours: Where could I orientate myself? What talents do I still have? Eventually she encouraged me to start my own business – as an energy and environmental consultant. I’ve been running my own company for five years and I’m happy again professionally. Almost at the same time I became active at Connecta:
