Older Mothers

Kirsten Echtermeyer comes happily by bike with daughter Kiara, 3, to the agreed meeting in a café in Berlin-Charlottenburg. She looks significantly younger than 49. Maybe because she was a competitive athlete for years. marathons and triathlons. Maybe that’s why she managed to do something that many doctors consider impossible: she got pregnant for the first time at 45 – easily and naturally. The pregnancy was uneventful and Kiara is healthy.

More and more late mothers

Kirsten Echtermeyer is a good example and a big exception at the same time: data from insured persons show that the number of mothers-to-be between the ages of 20 and 24 has fallen by 28 percent in recent years. At the same time, the birth rate among 40 to 44 year olds rose by 46 percent. With every fourth birth, the mother is now 35 or older , calculated the Federal Statistical Office in Wiesbaden. At the same time, fewer babies have ever been born than in the past year, according to the statisticians. Just 663,000 children were born in 2011. For comparison: in 1964 almost 1.4 million girls and boys were born.

Every seventh couple is childless

professionals like dr. Elmar Breitbach from the Center for IVF and Reproductive Medicine in Bad Münder is not surprised. A 35-year-old has half the chance of getting pregnant compared to a 25-year-old. Studies show that natural fertility ends around the age of 41. The number of oocytes set at birth is used up after an average of 400 monthly cycles.
Nevertheless, according to surveys, 54 percent of Germans still believe that it only becomes difficult for a woman between the ages of 40 and 45 to have a child. A mistake with far-reaching consequences: in the meantime, every seventh partnership in this country is unintentionally childless.Sandra and Thomas Junker were among them. For five years they try in vain to have a baby. Finally, they turned to a fertility clinic. It finally worked on the fifth try.

“Women want to go their own way and be able to listen to their gut feeling” – psychologist Ines Imdahl

Daughter Tiana Helena is now two years old. Despite this, her 41-year-old mother still has tears in her eyes when she talks about the difficult road to having her own child. Many do not feel up to this emotional stress.
In a Dutch study, 71 out of 100 couples stopped their fertility treatment because of this. In addition, there are high costs: In Germany, health insurance companies only pay half of the first three treatment cycles for those under 40 years of age. After that, they have to pay on their own. Many cannot do that. If the first four attempts were paid for in full, according to a study by the Berlin IGES Institute, up to 7,900 more children could be born every year. It doesn’t look like that.

After all, Federal Minister for Family Affairs Kristina Schröder is planning a support program of ten million euros for couples who do not want to have children.

Inappropriate desire to have children

However, the fact that the birth rate has hardly increased since the introduction of parental leave and parental allowance in 2007 proves that it is not the money alone. What is it then? On the one hand, there are the “usual suspects”: training times are getting longer. The establishment in the profession begins later. And: The more promising and lucrative a job is, the harder it is to give it up and the bigger the obstacles companies usually put in the way of mothers returning to work.
Nationwide, 260,000 missing daycare places and family-unfriendly working hours do the rest. However, leading US researchers have identified another danger: endocrine disruptors, i.e. environmental toxins that can permanently damage the female (and male) hormone system. These include cigarette smoke, pesticides, insecticides, plastic components (e.g. bisphenol A) or plasticizers (phthalates). They trigger early puberty, breast cancer and infertility. The experts speak of a “disturbed femininity” .

The fear of becoming a mom

But that’s not all. Ines Imdahl and her team from the Rheingold research institute in Cologne surveyed 1,000 women between the ages of 20 and 40 – with a sad result: having children was mostly associated with fear. “Motherhood comes with a kind of loss of identity,” says Imdahl. Women would be torn between super mom and successful woman. An overdone mother ideally puts her under perfection pressure. “Everything should look nice and light,” explains Imdahl. “Women try so hard to be relaxed that they are no longer.” This makes her desire for a trend away from the perfect mother towards an individual, self-determined woman who goes her own way and on her gut feeling all the more pronounced may hear. Dorothea Meyer, 46, did just that.

Despite the high risk of Down syndrome, she decided three years ago to keep her baby – and is therefore one of the ten percent of women who do not have an abortion in such a case. “I wouldn’t say to any woman: Keep your child!” emphasizes the Hamburg native. “However, I recently read an interview with a mother who said she had an abortion for the good of the family . I find that difficult.”

Benefits of Older Mothers

If Noa is stared at, her mother seeks the conversation and shows that the little one is a completely normal girl. “I wouldn’t have been so self-confident ten years ago.” Maybe that’s the secret of later mothers. They are stronger, more experienced, can free themselves from external constraints.
In any case, their children benefit from this, British researchers have now shown: three-year-olds with 40-year-old mothers have fewer accidents, are better vaccinated, socially competent and linguistically fitter. If that isn’t a compliment!

Stage model: The way to the child

Stage 1: Hormone treatment
The woman either injects (or receives) hormones herself or takes hormone pills to help egg maturation. Health insurance covers the costs, and 30 out of 100 treatments are successful.

Stage 2: Insemination
Healthy sperm cells from the man (or from a donor) are transferred directly into the uterine cavity via a catheter. The couple has to bear about half of the costs themselves (approx. 500 euros). 20 out of 100 treatments are successful.

Stage 3: In vitro fertilization (IVF)
Egg cell and sperm cell are combined in the Petri dish. If fertilization occurs – in the case of intracytoplastic sperm injection (ICSI) it is more or less “forced” – the embryo is transferred to the uterus. Cost: 1500-2000 euros per attempt. About 30 out of 100 succeed.

Late family happiness

Little Tiana Helena is a bit feverish. That’s why the two-year-old only rushes through the garden in her bobby car at half speed. Her parents, Sandra and Thomas Junker, watch her lovingly. “We’ve waited too long,” says the 41-year-old. “It’s perfect the way it is. But if we had started the treatment earlier, a second child would have been possible.” The couple stopped using birth control a long time ago. “If it happens, it’s okay,” says the administrator. “It’s not that important now.” Not anymore.

For six long years, the Junkers wanted nothing more than a child. “I tried to get it out of my head,” says Sandra Junker. She doesn’t succeed. She met Thomas in 1994 at the University of Applied Sciences in Hanover. “It wasn’t at all clear that we would marry and have children,” says Sandra Junker, smiling at her husband. He laughs back. “We moved in together, wanted to gain a foothold professionally and travel the world,” Thomas Junker continues. “We really started with family planning in 2003.”

Family planning begins

They were both in their early 30s, healthy – why shouldn’t it work? Overjoyed, friends and relatives announced their pregnancies, which Junkers said nothing about. Measuring basal body temperature, having sex at an appointment, well-intentioned advice (“Go away”) – Sandra and Thomas Junker wanted to do it alone by 2008. Then they go to the information day of a fertility clinic and feel how all the tension melts away.
“It was a relief,” says Sandra Junker. “We made an appointment right away.” Her husband gives her the hormone injections. Four attempts fail. “I didn’t even want to call the clinic anymore,” says Sandra Junker. At the beginning of December 2009 they found out: It worked,Sandra Junker is pregnant.On August 2nd, 2010 they hold their greatest happiness in their arms. “There’s nothing nicer!” Sandra Junker shouts over her shoulder, laughing, as Tiana Helena pulls her into the garden to romp around.

New phase of life with a child

Are you crazy?! The whole thing again? Dorothea Meyer’s friends can hardly believe it when she announces that she wants to have a child at 43. “It wasn’t about age,” says the native of Hamburg. “My son Otis was already ten. They wondered why I wanted to go through that again. But for me the subject was not closed.” After separating from Otis’ father, she raised him alone for four years. “The desire for a second child was always there. Not at any price, but he was there ,” says the self-employed couples therapist.

A new chapter in life

She got to know Gregor through her job when she was almost 40. “Of course we didn’t talk about children right away,” says Meyer, laughing. “But when we moved in together, it was clear: let’s cut the bait.” Her gynecologist, who has known Meyer for years, removed her spiral. “When the test came out positive, Gregor and I were overjoyed.” Both know that their age makes it more likely to have a disabled child.
“Nevertheless, we initially assumed that it was healthy,” says Meyer. Then the shock when a neck fold measurement reveals: The risk that your baby has Down syndrome is 1 in 13. “Of course I cried and clutched at every straw that spoke against such a diagnosis,” says Meyer openly. Even her gynecologist believes to the last that little Noa is healthy. Gregor too. Dorothea Meyer gathers information, talks to doctors – and makes a decision. For Noa.

A child is a gift

“It’s a gift and I accept it,” she tells herself. “Nevertheless, I think it’s okay when others act differently.” After Noa’s birth, a few tests turn suspicion into certainty. “But she’s in an extremely good mood, physically healthy,” says her mother happily. “She’s a normal little girl who needs to have as normal experiences as possible and has Down syndrome. But not primarily.
We wanted to fly to Rome and ended up in Paris. It’s beautiful there, too.” Noa goes to kindergarten and is supposed to go to a normal elementary school. This does not protect you from prying eyes. “Gregor can bounce them off. I approach people,” says Dorothea Meyer.

Late prodigy

Kiara Amira’s birth is even worth reporting to the “Tagesschau”. “In 2009, the focus was on the increased birth rate in Germany,” Kirsten Echtermeyer recalls. A camera team sought them out in the hospital as exemplary evidence. That she hadn’t had her first baby until she was 45 – not a news topic.
All the more so for Kirsten Echtermeyer. “I’ve only understood what a miracle Kiara is since she was born,” says the Berliner. “I never thought about how difficult it is to get pregnant naturally at that age.”

Life was planned differently

Before, she wanted to enjoy her life. She grew up in Brazil, studied design, planned a surf school on Mallorca, became a marathon runner and triathlete. “I would have loved to have fallen in love with a man with children who are already out of the woods,” says Echtermeyer. This is how it happened: She meets Iyas, now 49, again, a friend from student days, and is impressed by how lovingly the single father treats his daughter Lina, now 13. They become a blended family – and for the first time Kirsten Echtermeyer feels her own desire to have children.

“Iyas and I didn’t plan big,” says Echtermeyer and laughs. “Contraception was just a thumbs up.” When she actually gets pregnant, she finds it almost scary. She wonders if she will be a good mother, care for and raise a child. Kiara was born on July 27, 2009.
Since then, Echtermeyer has taken care of her and clearly enjoys it. “I don’t miss anything, I don’t have to move around the houses anymore,” says the late mom. But she is aware: “Younger people can’t do it that easily if they don’t want to lose their job.” Only once did Echtermeyer hear a stranger say: “Still a child at that age…!” She herself feels fit and would love to give birth another sibling for Kiara. But for Kirsten Echtermeyer one thing is certain: “When I’m 50, it’s over. That’s the limit for me.”

Late pregnancy experiences

Tolfioow: Because of what physical causes do couples remain childless unintentionally?
dr Elmar Breitbach: There is only one reason for men: poor sperm quality. In women, they are more complex: the maturation process of the egg cells can be disrupted. Some women do not ovulate at all. Others suffer from blocked fallopian tubes. And, of course, the age of the couple is also a crucial factor.

The Rheingold Institute examined the psyche of women, came across inner turmoil between super mom and career woman and a great pressure to perfect. How do you experience this in your clinic?
I also believe that women today have to have a career because otherwise they wouldn’t have any chance of advancement after a long period of training and maternity leave. Nevertheless, I want to make it very clear that not every couple with an unfulfilled desire to have children has just waited too long. Regarding inner turmoil: For all couples, the desire to have children is an ambivalent matter. There are always good reasons against having a child. Women and men who come to my clinic are tense and ask themselves: is it right that we are sitting here? Will it work at all? Many have already internalized that something is wrong with them. They had to experience that something crucial in their lives was not in their hands. That weighs on her.

Your clinic offers a multi-stage treatment concept. Doesn’t increasing mechanization scare off couples?
In fact, many shy away from it. Most want to become parents as naturally as possible. Some couples start IVF right away, but this is the exception rather than the rule. Mechanization is often perceived in such a way that we want to force a natural process. Many couples worry about this.

In your opinion, which treatment methods should still be allowed in Germany?
It would be desirable to allow egg donation. It has long ceased to be an exotic therapy and is necessary much more frequently than is generally assumed. For example , women in their mid – 30s already experience menopause prematurely . This is also the age at which many come to us. It is not possible without egg cell donation.

The Federal Minister for Family Affairs now wants to financially support couples who do not want to have children.
The proposals are the most concrete I have heard so far. I welcome that. Because quite a few couples cannot afford fertility treatment.