In the first week of January, everything seems possible – moving to the countryside, finally living healthier, starting the additional training as a naturopath that you have been dreaming of for years. But after just a few weeks of everyday life, it is clear: the big change will not come this year either.
Why is it so difficult to turn desires into reality? What is stopping us from doing what we want? Sure, sometimes you don’t have the money, sometimes your living conditions prevent you from taking big steps. But much more often it is we ourselves who back down or don’t even go about our goal – and get angry about it afterwards.
Many guides explainthe phenomenon as if man were in a certain way split: on the one hand there is the rational ego, which knows what it wants. On the other hand there is the so-called impulsive self that lives in our head and has only one favorite food: our good intentions. Many motivation tips are now about tricking the impulsive ego and realizing our goals behind the scenes, so to speak. From the point of view of brain and motivation research, however, this method cannot really work. Simply because the brain cannot be divided into systems that could outsmart each other. “There is no upper perception and behavior control center,” explains the Bremen brain researcher Gerhard Roth. Rather, scientists today describe the brain as an organ that does its job largely self-organized and has a fixed goal: It ensures that we can cope in the given environment. Accordingly, our ego is only a player in the team of conscious and unconscious processes in the brain and not the determiner.
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Important tool of the trade
The most important tool that our brain uses to do its demanding job as an orientation scout is our experience. Everything we experience leaves traces in our brain: nerve cells connect and form nerve networks that depict what we have experienced in the form of excitation patterns.
These activation patterns are retrievable. And whenever we encounter new things or imagine them for the future, our brain first checks which experiences it can use to correctly assess them. Today we know that our brain evaluates every experience with an emotion and stores it together. The evaluation categories are simple: There are experiences that are saved with the label “Was good – visit again” and those that are marked with “Was bad – avoid next time”.
Every situation that we experience or that we imagine triggers a small emotional impulse that signals to us whether we have had more attractive or repulsive experiences with this or similar situations. Most people feel these body signals from their brain as a pleasant warmth or an uncomfortable rumbling in their stomachs. The neuroscientist Antonio Damasio coined the term “somatic markers” for these bodily signals. Using the somatic markers, the brain has created a way for itself to tell the conscious mind at lightning speed how the unconsciously working emotional memory of experiences assesses the situation.
Our practical knowledge is something like a stable guard rail that guides us safely every minute of our lives. “The somatic markers are evaluated 200 to 300 milliseconds after a stimulus has been perceived,” explains Maja Storch, psychologist and head of the Institute for Self-Management and Motivation (ISMZ) at the University of Zurich. The fact that our somatic markers have a fundamental influence on our decisions and actions is particularly evident in people who have injured the region of the brain that processes the somatic signals: They can no longer make a decision and remain weighing the rational advantages and disadvantages of a wish or set goals.
set goals
Translated to the level of motivational psychology, this means that those who are able to set goals that elicit a positive reaction from the somatic markers receive an extra boost on the path to change. On the other hand, those who set goals that are associated with negative somatic markers have to constantly overcome unconscious resistance. This fact is particularly interesting because humans per se do not like to change at all. Our self-organized brain tends to prefer to do everything the way it’s always been done. At least it knows. Anyone who wants to turn their wishes and goals into reality needs the support of strong positive emotions that pull them as a whole in the desired direction. Nothing will happen if you have a wish in your head.
The trick is to actively synchronize the two systems – mind and somatic markers,” explains Maja Storch. The first step is to perceive your somatic markers. How do I feel when I think about my goal? Do I have pleasant sensations or is my stomach rumbling? In the second step, the mind can decode which concrete experiences the somatic markers report. Eventually, the feeling can lead the mind to the complex memories stored along with the feeling.
In the third step, the mind can evaluate the messages from the experience memory: Is this experience still relevant to me today? Is it helpful in my life? Or would it be nice to have new experiences? With this knowledge, you can in turn actively align your goals in such a way that your subconscious is also happy to come on board. Here lies a treasure for your life and your personal development. “People who shape their lives in harmony with the signals from their subconscious experience greater satisfaction with their everyday lives,” says Storch. You experience yourself as effective and able to steer your life on the right track without great effort, to pursue goals. Because when your conscious desire and your body feeling pull together, mental well-being arisesand you almost inevitably and effortlessly move towards the desired goal. You don’t have to motivate yourself anymore. You are motivated.
Example: Moving to the countryside
Now I do what I really want!
The following three examples show how wishes can become reality when reason and somatic memory of experience pull together:
1. “I really want to move to the countryside, but when it comes down to it I shy away”
FIRST STEP:translate the somatic marker. Are you afraid of getting lonely there? Does the feeling of being in charge of an entire house scare you? Everyone has different experiences and therefore different reasons for negative feelings in relation to a desired change. The translation of the diffuse feeling can therefore take some time. You can collect ideas to help: Ask other people what reasons they can think of as to why someone who has lived in the city for a long time, like you, would not want to move to the countryside. It’s important that people don’t know you, because that’s the only way new ideas can get into your basket of ideas. Ask the baker or the hairdresser, the taxi driver or the playground encounter. Fill up an imaginary basket of ideas. Pick out the ideas
SECOND STEP:The mind evaluates the somatic signal. Once the signal from the unconscious experiential memory is understood, it is up to your mind to evaluate how you want to deal with it. After all, the somatic markers’ assessment is no better or more accurate than the mind’s assessment, it’s just another level of yourself. For example, if you find that your experiential knowledge is trying to tell you that you’re unhappy without cinema and theater, you might Use this information to come up with a concrete solution: you could ask a friend if you could rent a room at her place once a month for a cultural weekend. Or you could buy a shared culture subscription card with your partner that guarantees regular visits to the city.
WHAT HAPPENED? You have decoded the concerns of your personal knowledge from experience – and found a good solution that pleases head and heart. There is no longer a bad feeling standing in the way of the desired move.
Example: Live healthier
2. “I want to be healthier, but I just can’t keep it up”
FIRST STEP: When it comes to goals that affect your entire lifestyle, it often makes sense to separate yourself from specific individual goals and set yourself an “attitude goal” instead. This describes more of the attitude towards life that you strive for and focuses less on the prohibition or commandment of individual habits. You find this posture goal by imagining an image from nature or technology that embodies the qualities you needed to maintain your healthy lifestyle—even when it gets stressful. When you have found an image that speaks positively to your unconscious and depicts your goal well, you automatically strengthen your motivation and energy to act in a goal-oriented manner.
SECOND STEP: Keep this picture in mind as often as possible. This is how you anchor your attitude towards life in your brain. And it may well be that, for example, the craving for sweets simply fades into the background of its own accord and you suddenly enjoy walking to work. This experience in turn has a positive effect on your image: you will find it helpful and good to go through life with this attitude and it will be easier for you to choose the healthy path.
WHAT HAPPENED? You have packed your goal into an easily tangible image that also has a positive connotation for the unconscious knowledge gained through experience. This makes it easier for you to keep your goal in mind.
Example: do an apprenticeship
3. “I’d love to do an apprenticeship, but I keep putting it off”
FIRST STEP: Analyze your gut feeling. What does it tell you specifically? Maybe the translation is: “I can’t leave my family alone for several weekends a year.” Or: “That actually costs way too much money.”
SECOND STEP:Take your time to consider the message behind the gut feeling with your mind. Is this right? Maybe that was on him for years. Like when the kids were little. Time and money were tight and life was geared towards efficiency. But could it be that those times are now over? But is your subconscious still oriented towards the old situation? You are not at the mercy of your unconscious judgments. The unconscious can also learn new things – and thus adapts to new life situations. This learning step is best achieved with the help of new, positive experiences. What positive learning goal could replace your old belief? Maybe: “It’s good for all of us if I take care of myself more.” Or: “It’s time for something new. ’ Trace your ideas for a learning objective. How does your body feeling, your somatic marker, react to this? Then it’s time to practice. Maybe you start with a one-week seminar – and don’t overwhelm yourself with the costly annual training. If your unconscious can gather its positive experiences with the new situation, it learns and increases your energy for the next steps that you would like to take.
WHAT HAPPENED? You have used your mind to empower your unconscious to learn from new experiences that are much more relevant to your life today.
