Table of Contents
Empathy
Regardless of which researcher you ask, there is now a consensus that social relationships are one of the most important keys to happiness. “Anyone with a large social network laughs more often and even survives dramatic events like 9/11 better,” says Professor George Bonanno from Columbia University in New York. But can you learn to form intimate relationships? Yes! Based on empathy, empathy. The more we try to understand others, the more our “social brain” becomes activated. So-called mirror neurons switch from the simple “I’m here” to “I’m needed” – we help without expecting anything in return, and that makes you happy. “Altruism arises in the brain,” says Prof. Esch, “but is translated into physical processes. Many studies have shownImmune system .” How to train your empathy:
1. Appoint a kind of “guardian” from within to make sure you remain alert when you meet people who are important to you. This activates the so-called “belt” (Latin: gyrus cinguli) in the brain. He’s more careful now, so to speak.
2. Imagine how your counterpart’s movements and gestures feel when you make them. But don’t ape! This stimulates the mirror neurons.
3. Actively imagine what your counterpart might be thinking or wanting. But don’t jump to conclusions. Be open and respectful! If the situation permits, you can discreetly adopt a similar sitting or standing posture as the person opposite you.
4. From time to time, during conversations, ask whether you understood what was said correctly. Important: It’s not about having your own opinions confirmed.
5. Think of someone who loves you and whom you love. That evokes good emotions. Convert these into good wishes for your counterpart, which you send to them in your thoughts. This activates the “compassion system” in the brain.
6. Sit down with someone you know well. Report one event at a time that was successful for you. Something you did well or achieved. The one who listens appreciates the other with their body language, short comments of praise and a short positive conclusion. After five minutes switch roles.
7. Breathe deeply in and out four times. Then ask yourself the following questions: Who and/or what gives you strength (people, role models, animals, things, etc.)? Who motivates you to get up in the morning even in difficult times? Write everything down! So you always have your energy sources in mind when you need them.
8. Try to consciously develop empathy for different types of people: a) people who are good for you, b) friends, c) “neutral” people (e.g. the bus driver), d) “difficult” people (e.g. the boss) and finally e) for yourself.
mindfulness
In order to feel happy, our brain needs to feel like everything that is happening makes sense. It must be able to understand, shape and control them. Researchers call this the “sense of coherence”. According to a study by the University of Cambridge with over 20,000 participants, the stronger it is in a person, the lower their risk of developing cardiovascular disease or cancer – regardless of age, gender and previous illnesses. Coherence also leaves traces in the brain. Slow and relaxing waves spread out. And it is precisely this state that can be brought about in a targeted manner: with mindfulness meditation. A study by the University of Giessen shows that pain patients who have mastered it still feel their pain but suffer significantly less from it,
9.It is best to set aside 10 to 15 minutes each day. Find an undisturbed place. Sit comfortably but upright. Close your eyes and think of a word, phrase, or picture that has a positive meaning for you. This is your focus. Breathe in and out slowly into your stomach. Become aware of how the diaphragm rises and falls. Remember your focus each time you exhale. Say the word or phrase over and over in your mind, or look at the picture with your inner eyes. Breathe in – breathe out – focus. Keep returning to this rhythm, even if distracting thoughts suddenly arise. At the end let yourself be z. B. “wake up” from your mobile phone. It is ideal if you always meditate at the same time and in the same place.
gratitude
When was the last time you thanked someone sincerely? This simple question was also asked by Dr. Stuart R. Rosenberg and his colleagues at Harvard Medical School in Boston and started the Gratitude at Work project. It turned out that regularly thanking other people creates inner connection, the feeling of not being alone and effectively reduces stress. How to train your gratitude:
10. Keep a special calendar in which you write down five things every day for which – on this day! – are grateful (work, friends, family, nature or even material things).
11. Every day remember something that happened to you that makes you feel good. Tell another person about it (see empathy) and make it a small daily ritual.
12. Concentrate regularly on all the things you are good at and have achieved. Then think about things that you like or admire about your partner, your job, your place of residence, etc. and thank them in your mind – or in real terms.
13. Write down exactly 44 things for which you are grateful to your parents.
14. Do an experiment for two months. Once a week, write a 15-minute letter to someone who has been “good” to you, but who you may not have thanked appropriately at the time. Think about it: what happened back then? What did the person do and say to you for you? How did you react back then? Where do you stand today as a result of the experience? What did that make possible for you?
optimism
In addition to openness to people (see empathy), happiness research has discovered a second important factor: openness to change. People who are optimistic about the future, who are not afraid of change and who trust that they can shape it themselves (see mindfulness) are less likely to get sick. “Optimism is an independent predictor variable when it comes to good mental and physical health” – summarizes Dr. Heather N. Rasmussen from Kansas University summarized her re-evaluation of a total of 83 studies on this topic. How to become more optimistic:
15. Each night, write down three things you did well during the day and why. dr Martin Seligman, director of the Center for Positive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, found out in several studies: This simple exercise alone increases the “perceived” life satisfaction significantly within six months.
16. Keep an “optimism diary” for a month, preferably 20 minutes a day, three days in a row. Prof. Sonja Lyubomirsky from the University of California also calls this exercise “best possible selves”. The task: “Think about your future life. Consciously imagine that everything will go and turn out as well as you imagine and wish. You have worked hard for it and achieved your life goals with much success. Imagine for a moment that all your dreams have come true.”
17. Write down regularly (e.g. once a month) three things that you wish for your children and/or your partner. What should z. B. Your children will learn in the future? And what of this can and do you want to give them?
18. Write a “wish list” for five years from now. Think about the following points: work (education, career), relationships (partnership, family, friends), creativity, fun and games, health, material things, faith and spirituality, volunteering and helping others. Put your “wish list” in an envelope, give it to e.g. B. a good friend and ask her to send you the plan by post in six months. This then reminds and motivates you to pursue your goals.
Stop Negative Thoughts
The more stress our brain is subjected to, the more difficult it is for it to activate its “happiness systems” and the more derogatory and frightening thought patterns appear (“You can never do that” – “It had to happen” – “Why is it always me?”). “This leads to ‘mental constipation’, and we rarely come that much closer to a real solution to a problem or to deep happiness,” explains Prof. Tobias Esch. “Sometimes it’s just about making the decision, choosing and looking ahead.” These exercises will quickly help you out of the “ruining trap”:
19. Do “minis,” short relaxation exercises. Get e.g. B. Take four deep breaths before every SMS you type, before every phone call you make or before every e-mail you (have to) read. Breathe deeply into your belly (see Mindfulness).
20. Set aside exactly 20 minutes (set the alarm clock!) for four consecutive days to write about a topic that is bothering or depressing you. Important: once you’ve started, don’t put your pen down. And the next day you can only read the last sentence from yesterday before you continue writing. If you can’t think of anything for a while, just repeat the last sentence or word. On the fourth day, put the note(s) in a “safe” place – and never read them again.
21. In stressful situations, follow the S-A-R-W rule. That means: If you encounter a problem (stressor) in everyday life, first mentally put up a stop sign. Take a deep breath (see Exercise 1). Think as calmly as possible about how you want to react now. You (almost) always have a choice! In short: stop sign – breathe – reflect – choose.
22.Stressful experiences often haunt our heads for days and block our happiness systems. The ABCD rule by Dr. Seligman: Write down what bothers you (initial situation), how you evaluate the event and what meaning it has for you. Remember the consequences of the whole thing – also because of your reactions. Discuss with another person (or in writing with yourself) whether your beliefs about the event were correct. Three questions are important: 1. Was it really like that? Did I have proof of this? 2. Could one see things differently? 3. Is that good for me? Try to see something positive, a challenge, a task in unpleasant things. In this way, the experience gets a new frame (reframing).
The people in Denmark are the happiest, the Germans unfortunately only end up in the middle. Whenever such hit lists appear in the newspaper, in most cases they go back to the so-called World Value Survey, WVS for short (information: www.worldvaluesurvey.org ). Since 1981, this international research network has measured and compared every five years, among other things, the happiness of people in a total of 62 countries. The sixth wave of the survey is currently underway, which will include more than 90,000 interviews by the end of 2012. The WVS test consists of a total of 250 questions – of course too many to print here. The following 25 questions are therefore a kind of WVS short version.
instructions
Please think about how applicable you find each statement to you and your attitude towards life. Distinguish in five grades (a to F): An A means that the statement applies to you 100 percent, completely. An F shows that your agreement is below 60 percent, so you’re already having a harder time agreeing, through fifty-fifty attitude, to disagreeing.
Test
1. I rarely feel stressed.
2. I am satisfied with my professional career.
3. I pay attention to my feelings and let them guide me.
4. I laugh and smile a lot – every day.
5. I rarely get angry or angry.
6. Overall, other people like me and my company.
7. I’m not afraid of anything easily.
8. Most of the time I have a great time.
9. When circumstances change, I usually find it easy to adapt.
10. I don’t feel the need to compete with other people.
11. My life is an adventure and a lot of fun.
12. I don’t spend much time worrying.
13. The world for me is beautiful and full of possibilities.
14. I sleep well and wake up refreshed in the morning.
15. I focus on the solution, not the problem.
16. I feel relaxed most of the time.
17. I know my abilities and am confident most of the time.
18. Even when I’m alone, I usually feel good.
19. I do not regret past mistakes.
20. For me, arguments are a waste of time.
21. I’m always open to new ideas for my life.
22. I live my life the way I want to – and let others do the same.
23. I do not react with envy or reproach when others get what I want.
24. When I’m unhappy about something, I try to change it.
25. I like myself the way I am.
evaluation
Please give yourself five points for each A, four points for each B, three points for each C, two points for each D, one point for each E and no points for an F. Add up all the points. The sum is your personal happiness quotient (GQ).
84 to 125 points: You are happy, satisfied and feel how good this is for you. But you also know that high GQ doesn’t stay high unless you do a little bit every day.
42 to 83 points: All in all, you are satisfied with your life. But you feel that there is still a portion of luck waiting for you. Go ahead! Help him along with our exercises. You have 40 percent of your life satisfaction in your own hands.
0 to 41 points: Unfortunately, you are rather dissatisfied with your life and most likely often unhappy. You find it difficult to think positively and sometimes see difficult times as a challenge. But you are aware! This is the first step to change something.
