The Greek philosopher Aristotle stated 2000 years ago that all people want to be happy. This will probably not change in the next 2000 years. We long for the little happy moments as well as for the great happiness in life. But can this wish come true? Can one be happy – at least most of the time? Psychologists say it depends on how you approach it. Let’s start with the little happiness, the moment of happiness. He cheers and paints a smile on our face when we find out at the lottery acceptance point that we have actually won more than five euros. Or when we eat our favorite ice cream. Or snag that bargain we really want.
Brain researchers were even able to prove a HAPPINESS MECHANISM. For a bargain hunter, for example, it works like this: In the morning she reads in the newspaper that a technology market is offering exactly the computer she needs at a good price. Her brain is already getting going, explains Professor Michael Koch, a brain researcher at the University of Bremen. “A nerve structure in the brainstem (ventral tegmentum) sends the neurotransmitter dopamine into the forebrain. Dopamine activates the so-called reward center (nucleus accumbens). This, in turn, arouses happy anticipation in the bargain hunter.” – She would like to drive off immediately to get hold of this computer. The anticipation is, so to speak, level one of happiness. Only when she is in the store and actually packs a box with the computer of her choice does her brain switch to happiness level two. Done! reports the frontal lobe. She’s looking forward and happy, maybe even smiling to herself. And the brain saves: Such an action is worthwhile!
From a biological point of view, our HAPPINESS is simply the reward for our effort. The prospect of happiness motivates us to learn something new, cook a complicated dish, or climb a mountain. Happiness is the kick that keeps us going. If we remained perfectly happy after a happy day, there would be no reason for us to get up in the morning. However, if you try to improve your attitude to life by increasing the number of lucky kicks, you will soon reach a limit. Because a lot of what makes you happy in the short term wears out quickly – especially consumption and possessions. This is easy to observe with lottery winners: they freak out with happiness as soon as they hear about their win. But after just a few weeks, they are subjectively just as satisfied or dissatisfied with their lives as they were before the six – no matter how many cars, Travel and homes with swimming pools they can now afford. The money does not enable them to be happier. Therefore, after a short time, their life satisfaction returns to their previous “set point”.
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If you want to live a happy life, you should work on your set point
WHO wants a happier life, should therefore deal precisely with this set point. He brings contentment into play, the quieter sister of luck, so to speak. It does not feed on intoxicating moments, but rather on positive feelings. And unlike happiness, you don’t reach it by chasing it, but rather by pausing. For example for a meditation. University of North Carolina psychology professor Barbara Fredrickson asked 140 volunteers to do an experiment and randomly divided the group. Half had to wait another six months for the course to start, the first half was allowed to start immediately and received lessons in Open Heart Meditation. In this form of meditation one concentrates first and foremost on oneself and specifically on the region of the heart. Then the meditators are asked to think intensely of a person for whom they have warm and tender feelings. For example her child or another loved one. The meditators mentally extend this feeling first to themselves, then to a larger circle of people. Each week, the subjects worked on their meditation task for about 20 minutes in a guided workshop and answered a series of questions.The first result was as expected: the participants felt good and described slightly more positive emotions than before their meditations. However, Fredrickson was amazed at the long-term effect of the exercise: three months after the start, the psychologist was able to determine that the participants were more optimistic and confident about their personal future. They saw a greater purpose in their life and work, they felt more trust, found their romantic relationship better and felt that they received more support from other people. Their physical fitness was also measurably higher: they performed better in perception exercises and proved to be significantly healthier than the comparison group – which at the time was still waiting for the meditation course. Short: They were happier with their lives and also objectively healthier. Why is that?
When we’re in a POSITIVE MOOD, we’re automatically more aware of our surroundings and those around us, Fredrickson found. We are more awake and open to new impressions and forge more creative thoughts. “Positive emotions expand the boundaries of the mind,” explains Fredrickson. And with this alert, creative spirit, we naturally see solutions where otherwise only problems lurk. We feel like supporting others and it is easier for us to accept help ourselves because we feel connected. We look to the future with confidence because we feel a certainty: our lives are in our hands and what we do makes sense. That makes you completely satisfied with life.
In this respect, positive feelings are much more than pleasant emotions, because they can set in motion an upward spiral of well-being and contentment. Fredrickson coined the term broaden-and-build theory for this, which translates to describing that positive feelings expand our perception (broaden) and build up our resilience (build). They open the door to a happy life for us. And the best thing about it: Anyone can let this upward spiral begin for themselves. You just have to make room for positive feelings more and more often. Meditative techniques are particularly suitable for this, for example open-heart meditation or mindfulness meditation or the feeling of gratitude and community, as empirical studies show.
“GRATUITY is the knowing awareness that kindness has been bestowed on us”, says the American psychologist Robert A. Emmons. “Through gratitude, we acknowledge the contribution that others make to our well-being.” That is, provided one even acknowledges that there are good things in life. The second step is about seeing that the source of this good is often not within ourselves, but outside. Two simple examples: We were able to do the training we wanted because our parents helped finance it and some courageous people pushed through more than 100 years ago that women have the right to education. Or we could meet our love partner because friends had organized this festival at the time. Psychologist Emmons showed that people who cultivate gratitude in their lives are actually happier
5 practical exercises for everyday life
The feeling of COMMUNITY has a particularly positive effect on our psyche ,if we get actively involved. “In our happiness studies, we found that people who give, for example who use money or their labor for social purposes, are happier than people who don’t,” explains the Swiss economist Bruno S. Frey. People who invest energy and money just for their own fun, on the other hand, usually only experience brief moments of happiness. Basically, the effect depends on whether you put your heart into it. A meditation in which you sit quietly on the outside but go through the shopping list on the inside is of no use. Even those who are grateful because they have to, or who go into company that they don’t like at all, will hardly feel anything. So it’s worth asking: What am I really thankful for? How do I want to get involved in the community? At the same time, interestingly, all happiness research is never about banishing negative feelings from one’s life. After all, feelings such as fear, envy or aggression also have their justification. Rather, it is about finding the right balance. A ratio of positive to negative emotions of 3 to 1 is optimal, explains Fredrickson, “but most people are around 2 to 1”. They think their life is okay, but they are not really happy. Only when the “tipping point” of 3 to 1 is exceeded does the psychologist promise a true transformation: Fredrickson was able to observe in her study participants that people who cross the tipping point really blossom. She promises: “You will feel more alive, more creative and more resilient. You are reaching a whole new level in life.” Take the first step!
5 practical exercises for everyday life
- Put on a souvenir folder of love. Think about it: When do you feel very good in the company of other people? When do you call a relationship happy? Which situations do you most like to share with your partner/friends? Glue in photos, newspaper clippings, your own drawings or song lyrics that represent love for you. Then, when you realize that negative feelings are threatening to overwhelm you, pull out your memories. You can also create folders of joy, personal interests, or gratitude.
- For a week, pay special attention to the well-being of others. Help a friend or let someone else check out. Maybe donate to a project or plant flowers in the front yard in front of your house.
- Every evening, write three things in a notebook that went well that day and briefly explain why you feel that way.
- From time to time ask yourself these three questions: What has a loved one done for me? What have I done for him? What difficulties did I cause for the person concerned? The answers help to better recognize the reciprocity of relationships . We often discover that we get more from others in life than we think we do.
- Think about when in your life something negative has turned into something positive and write it down. We all know situations that shook us at first (an illness, a loss, a failure) – but in retrospect, this event only gave us a different perspective, a new opportunity in life.
