Being on stage once in a lifetime, opening a boutique in Paris, traveling the world, daring to skydive, climb a mountain, run a marathon – we all have dreams. Some are larger, others smaller. But it doesn’t matter. “Dreams work like a motor,” says coach and consultant Bettina Schmieder from Seehausen. “And when we make a dream come true, it’s a real sense of accomplishment. This feeling makes us strong and enables further changes in other areas of life.” That sounds good. Why then do so many people stop at “Actually, I would like to…”?
Making dreams come true also takes some courage
The answer is uncomfortable: tracking down and realizing your lifelong dreams requires commitment, courage and perseverance. “Most dreams don’t fail because they can’t be achieved,” says psychologist Angelika Gulder from Hofheim. “They fail because many people are too lazy and keep asking themselves why something doesn’t work anyway, instead of asking themselves how it could work. ” . “That only works if we deal with ourselves systematically,” encourages Gulder.
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The layers of personality
It helps to imagine your own personality like an onion. Your core is what psychoanalysts call the “core”. Our entire potential lies in it. However, through upbringing, imprinting and experience, layer by layer wraps itself around the core until we hardly feel it anymore. Only when we carefully remove these “layers of life” do we recognize what our soul really misses, what it dreams of. It’s worth looking for in peace. “There’s never just one dream X, and if I make it my life is good,” said Gulder. “It is important to look at all areas of life, e.g. partnership, job, place of residence, family, and to ask yourself: How fulfilled do I feel in the field on a scale of one to ten?” Anything that ends up in the lower middle field, i.e. three to four, is free to spin around. “For each of these areas of life, you should develop three different dreams that promise more fulfillment,” advises Gulder.
Beware, dream trap
Two dream traps can be avoided early on.
Number one: The deep hole into which many fall when the dream is no longer a dream but has become reality – the target depression. “It comes from just fixing myself on a dream,” explains Gulder. “If, on the other hand, I look at several areas of life, I always have one dream after the dream.”
Trap number two:implement what others actually dream of, such as parents, partners, society. “Yes, it makes me happy to write my doctoral thesis for my father’s sake,” says Gulder. “It’s important to do it consciously, to recognize: That’s not my dream.” And then turn back to your own plans. “Don’t just paint brightly,” warns the expert. “How does it feel when I reach my goal? Is there a feeling of freedom or a feeling of tightness in the chest?” This helps not to get carried away and to recognize which goals are set too high. This dream MOT usually also falls victim to consumer wishes. “When it comes to success, recognition and fame, for some a Porsche is the greatest thing,” says Gulder. She doesn’t rate that. “But such outer dreams are short-lived and meaningless to our core.”
The goal should motivate you, don’t set it too high
The final dream hurdle
One last hurdle remains: inner and outer skeptics who make every dream mad. “It’s good to listen to,” explains Gulder. “But not immediately, but only when you have made a precise plan for yourself on how to make your dream come true.” What further training do I need for the dream job? How do I finance the trip around the world? Only when we have weighed all the pros and cons ourselves do the others have their turn.“The best way to write inner voices is on paper cards,” Gulder recommends. “Everyone has their say, then a democratic vote is taken.” All of this does not rule out setbacks and disappointments. Even a dream can fail, or we have to switch to a smaller one. “But it always makes you proud and happy to have at least tried,” says psychologist Gulder. “Even from a failed dream you can draw a lot of strength.”
So: Make your dreams come true. These three women reveal how it’s done.
A great feeling of happiness
We start with Tina Gentner, 34 years old and a radio editor. She has a soft spot for pachyderms.
I met elephants live for the first time in 2003. I traveled through India, visited the Mudumalai National Park in the south of the country. A local politician had decided that the temple elephants urgently needed a vacation. The animals were taken to the national park, fed, bathed, creamed and massaged. And me in the middle– coincidentally. I thought that was amazing. After that I thought about what I could do with elephants, first thinking about an internship at the Hellabrunn Zoo in Munich. But then I read an article about an animal sanctuary in Thailand. I started researching and got in touch. In 2008 I was allowed to work there for a month and take care of the elephants. I thought it was amazing! It was all about the pachyderms. I fetched food for them from the fields, washed them, took away manure and was able to observe a lot. It was exactly as I had imagined.A great feeling of happiness that I really wanted to feel again. That’s why I went on an elephant journey again in 2011 and helped with a project in Kenya. We observed herds of elephants in the wild. It was very different from the first time. Being close to the elephants, stroking them – that wasn’t possible at all. I got great respect for the animals. I owe it to them that I experienced and saw things that a normal tourist never gets to know. These experiences gave me new self-confidence. I made my dream come true, not just talking.
Marathon through New York
The PR woman Sabrina Hasenbein is 37 years old and wants to realize her dream – to complete a marathon in New York.
Normally I don’t even walk to catch my bus. But New York? I lived there for a year and a half. I love this city! So I spontaneously signed up this year when a couple of sporty friends booked their trip. I wanted to do something that actually seemed unattainable to me. In June I started training – completely without a plan. Luckily I was given a voucher for a personal running coach. Since then I’ve been jogging, four times a week. At first I only had stitches on the sides. I can now do 16 km at a time. But I still find the idea of running 42.195 kilometers in New York on November 4th strange. My trainer encourages meand says I can do the route in four and a half hours. This is my dream. I’d be happy if I didn’t finish last. I’ve had the image in my mind for a long time: me at the finish line, friends cheering me on, the skyline of New York… I don’t know if I’ll continue after that. I don’t care about running. I just want to prove to myself that the impossible is possible.
Trip to Australia
Social worker Evi Steiner is 49 years old and still dreams of Australia.
As a child I loved the cartoon character “Taz”, a Tasmanian devil. He always twirled around wildly in the movies. I thought that was great. As a school student, I collected everything I could get my hands on about this marsupial and Australia, and for years afterwards dreamed of going there once in a lifetime. In 2001 the time had come. That sounds a long time ago. But when I think about it now, the feelings come back immediately.I traveled around for six weeks. The country was even more beautiful than I had imagined. The island of Tasmania south of Australia will always remain the most beautiful spot on earth for me. On no other trip have I met such nice people. And then this wildlife! Emus, kangaroos, wombats and – “Taz”, the Tasmanian devil. He hisses and screeches like a three-meter-tall monster. In fact, he’s only the size of a dachshund. I now have an eight-year-old son: Leon. Our roots are in Munich and we really like living here. Nevertheless, another dream has remained all these years:live longer in Australia at some point. When Leon is 18 years old, that’s my plan, I’ll be gone. For half a year at least. Even as a young woman I knew: Munich or Tasmania. Nothing else was ever an option for me. Nothing changed about that.
It works with a bite
We asked Angelika Gulder from Hofheim what life dreams are all about. The qualified psychologist is available to answer any questions we have.
Tolfioow: Why is it important for us to have dreams?
Angelika Gulder: Dreams come from within us. When we become clear about this, we see what we really want from life, what we really want to experience.
And if I’m quite content with life?
Of course there are people who think their life is okay the way it is. That’s perfectly fine too. But far more simply push their dreams away because they are too expensive, crazy or too difficult. At least they think so. Other people have dreams, but they are not their own, such as the agonizing doctorate that is actually the demanding father’s dream.
How do you track down your own dreams in conversation?
Finding your own dreams is not that difficult. I always ask about the dreams of childhood and include the subconscious through so-called fantasy journeys. Then ask clients to make a list of dreams and rate them. A one stands for “not so important”, a ten for “very important”. I recommend only dealing with the “Dreams of Ten” and implementing them.
What helps?
If you want to make dreams come true, you have to be aware that they will never come true by themselves. Many have dreams, but don’t want to leave their sofa. You lack the bite. In contrast, all life dream professionals have one thing in common: diligence.
