If it weren’t for the fear of commitment to relationships , which has to be overcome in order to live together. Affected people find it difficult to talk about the fear of commitment as well as about relationships, let alone to get involved in a relationship. They suffer from their feelings. There are many reasons for fear of commitment.
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Causes of fear of commitment
In order to be able to better understand people with a fear of attachment, it is important that you recognize the causes of such a fear of attachment . Both women and men suffer from attachment phobics. A relationship represents a kind of “threat” for them, which robs them of their freedom and independence. Strong disappointments from previous relationships or parents or bad childhood memories or disturbed relationships with the mother can arise
have a negative effect on their later relationships, especially in the case of men. The fear of too much love, emotional closeness, obligations and responsibility makes the situation of those affected even more difficult. Her problem: Feeling deep feelings for someone makes her dependent on that person and vulnerable.
Therefore, many of those affected do not even get involved with the topic of a permanent relationship . You don’t want to get hurt. The constant fear of being too restricted in a partnership, of no longer having time for oneself and of missing out is great and almost impossible to overcome. The people affected, mostly men, do not want any pain, they are above all afraid of exploitation, rejection, mistakes, their own feelings and the loss of their own control. You want freedom.
Some women and men prefer to have affairs to avoid love, a partnership and their own feelings and at the same time to be able to satisfy their own lust. They believe that in this way they can escape their problems and not remain alone. Instead of overcoming the fears in their lives, they keep their distance when love comes into play.
Symptoms of attachment anxiety
The signs and the problems that come with them can vary greatly from person to person. Typical signs for recognizing a fear of commitment are keeping the other person away, i.e. the man or the woman, through a variety of strategies. In order not to agree to so much closeness and longer-term planning, they want distance. It is not uncommon for an appointment to be canceled shortly before the agreed time.
A fight is often triggered by the person making vulnerable claims to protect themselves from being too close and to keep their distance from their partner. Commitment phobics often come across as cold and dismissive. They protect themselves by avoiding beautiful situations as much as possible and leaving people behind so as not to be left alone.
People who suffer from attachment anxiety often fall in love with people who are already in a relationship. It’s the easiest way to avoid a real relationship and intense emotional closeness.
But the fear of commitment is not only noticeable emotionally – the fear also takes its toll physically. Sweating, tachycardia, tension, feelings of anxiety and panic attacks are among the list of symptoms.
Others, on the other hand, lead a love relationship in which they feel more fear of loss and jealousy than love and happiness. If they still loved the other in the initial phase, after a certain time they usually only love their partner sporadically. “Quit and give up” is then often the motto for the friend.
Treatment for attachment anxiety
Recognizing and overcoming the fear is the first step to successful treatment. Before you begin treatment, you should ask yourself the following questions: When are you afraid or when do you think you are afraid? What exactly scares you? What experience shaped you so much that you felt afraid? Are you afraid of losing something? How are your fears expressed? What kind of interaction do you prefer so that you feel comfortable in relationships? What do you have to do yourself to be able to engage in a close relationship in the future?
In some cases, observing your family, parents, and friends in their relationships can help. How do they deal with each other in certain situations? Are there any similarities to your behavior that you notice? Talking to family can also help.
In any case, don’t jump to conclusions and keep the partnership. Talk to your partner before you form a close bond and give him or her a chance to engage with you. Talk about your fears and feelings, especially in situations where you feel restricted. Strengthens your self-esteem, self-confidence and expresses wishes to your partner. It may seem difficult at first to deal with your fears and emotions – but the more you open yourself up and engage in a relationship or an affair, the more you will realize that many fears take place in your own head and not in reality. With an interpersonal relationship you always take the risk of being hurt – but you also have the chance to gain closeness and affection. A price,
