How lucky to have a best friend. Nothing and nobody can replace them. No matter how great the man next to us is, he can’t compete with her because men just tick differently.
Table of Contents
One soul in two bodies
The Greek philosopher Aristotle described the miracle of friendship as “one soul in two bodies”. The Munich family therapist Swantje Benussi puts it less poetically: “Belonging and agreeing – friendships are made of this stuff. Girlfriends reflect what we are.” The other doesn’t have to resemble us like a double Lottchen. Often this friend is living out a side of us that we don’t show to others. Just you!
Be a friend to others
And where do you find soulmates? In the sandpit, at school, in the office, next door or in the yoga studio. The researcher Mitja Back from the University of Leipzig has impressively demonstrated that you can give coincidence a helping hand if necessary. For freshmen, he allocated seats for the very first lecture by drawing lots. And lo and behold: students who had sat next to each other became friends more often than average in the next few years . If you are looking for a new girlfriend, you should definitely give a likeable chance acquaintance time and interest. And otherwise behave the way you would like to be treated yourself. So be the girlfriend you would like to have!
Understanding, warmth and comfort belong in a friendship
The classic girlfriend stories that we all know describe how we would ideally like a best friend to be: from “Hanni and Nanni” to “Thelma & Louise” to “Green Tomatoes”. Best friends are loyal, understanding and genuinely interested in me. With such a soul mate, we can cry about men’s quirks or scold nasty colleagues – and then laugh about it with her afterwards. Of course, such an ideal friend would never tell behind our back what we confided in her. But what if our best friend disappoints us and abuses our trust?
Cultivate friendship properly
Conflicts need a solution
Understanding or closure Most women then withdraw and let the contact fall asleep. In many female friendships, anger is swept under the carpet rather than addressing annoying things and sometimes criticizing the girlfriend. An open conversation, it is feared, could destroy the friendship in the long run. Usually the opposite happens. Because if you don’t address injuries, you don’t give the other person an opportunity to apologize.
And so the resentment lives on in us like a ticking time bomb, the weight of which we constantly feel and which may explode in a crisis situation and then lead to the final end. The situation is different when conflicts repeatedly arise in the friendship and mutual injuries increase. In this respect, the same applies to a friendship as to any other relationship: Of course it has its ups and downs, and of course there are arguments from time to time – but they should be constructive. If it hurts all the time, it’s not love. And no friendship either. Then it would be better to draw a line. And find a new best friend.
Best friends make you happy
An effort that is worth it: Many scientific studies have shown that best friends make you happy. Julianne Holt-Lunstad from the University of Utah/USA has related the majority of these investigations in a review article. With spectacular results: if you feel lonely, your life is just as unhealthy as if you were smoking 15 cigarettes a day! Or, to put it positively: the probability of longevity increases by 50 percent if you have good girlfriends.
By the way: Many women revive their very first close friendship from school as adults. Old love never rusts. So why not call your first best friend today or find out her number?
We found each other again after a long time
Andrea Bielenberg, 56 (l.), & Astrid Beck, 53: The neighbors became best friends – until the sudden break in broadcasting. “I got to a point,” says Andrea, “I should have just told the truth. I didn’t think Astrid’s husband was good for her. Instead, I was silent.” Both let the contact fall asleep. After ten years of radio silence, Astrid and Andrea met again. “The time was right,” says Andrea with a smile. Astrid smiles back: “And you still had a loom from me.”
get to know each other again
First they phoned back and forth a few times about the handover, then they met. And promptly the old, pleasant familiarity was there again. Andrea appeared – coincidentally or not – just in time in the lives of the others:Half a year later, Astrid’s marriage broke up and her friend was able to support her. From the beginning, the friends found many common themes. First the weaving. Both lived in neighboring apartments in the country and were still in training – Astrid as a weaver and Andrea as a nurse. Later they studied and became teachers. Then came the children and their own home, which also gave plenty to talk about. “We complement each other well,” says Andrea today, “although we’re both so different.” Andrea is more spiritually oriented, Astrid practical. “We no longer get into such fundamental conflicts as we used to,” they both say, “now we even appreciate that we often have different opinions.”
Think of the friends
“Without girlfriends? That would not work for me,” says Antoinette Schmelter de Escobar, 51. “Even if women get married and start a family – they should always have a best friend too.” The single mother invites the ten or so women two to three times a year who mean the most to her for ladies night. Unfortunately, only one thing is always missing: her best friend from college days. “I’ve tried so many times to get in touch with her again.” The two were inseparable during their studies in Munich. They met in the Romance Studies seminar. “We liked each other straight away, were fun and adventurous, shared all the ups and downs and heartbreaks.” They often traveled together.
Suddenly everything in life is different
Until that last vacation, when her friend got a call that would change everything: her father had died. From that moment on, she was no longer the student about to graduate, but the boss of a large company. “She became more and more absorbed in another world,” Antoinette recalls. At first the two met from time to time, then – after the birth of their daughter – Antoinette had the feeling that she was no longer welcome in her friend’s villa. “I think there should always be a place in life for an old friend.” She still thinks of the other when she drives through her residential area in northern Bavaria: “Despite all the disappointment – I just can’t get her out of my head. ”
girlfriends for life
Friendship ends with money, as the saying goes, and it is better to keep private and business separate. Angelika Bachmann and Iris Siegfried, both 40, see things differently. “Don’t friendships start with money?” they ask with a wink. The two violinists of the Hamburg quartet Salut Salon have been best friends for almost 30 years and have been successful together professionally for more than ten years. “I think there shouldn’t be any taboo subjects in a friendship,” says Angelika. “And if so, then you should talk about it.” What is friendship based on when the two work together anyway and tour together through Germany and Europe all year round? “From the appreciation for each other,” says Iris. “Angelika and I met at the age of eleven, conducting in the school orchestra. Making music together for so long, that shapes. We all know our strengths and weaknesses.
respect the girlfriend
Being friends and working closely together has been good for Angelika and Iris for so long because they stick to a clear principle: “If one of us has a vision, the other has the right doubts.” And then? Then discuss it. In the end, the one who is more passionate about her point of view than the other prevails.
Important for a friendship
Tolfioow: The well-known behavioral scientist Robin Dunbar says a person can have a maximum of 150 real friends.
Swantje Benussi: This high number can be explained by the breakdown. Only 3 to 5 people are really close to us. This includes the best friend who you can also call at night. About 15 people form the close circle of friends, beyond that the intensity of the relationship continues to decrease. Nevertheless, contact number 139 may also be an asset. Because you can talk to this person particularly well about interior design, for example.
Why are friendships so important to us?
Because they fulfill two of our most basic needs: everyone wants to be a member of a community and everyone wants to feel that they are seen by others. In short: Friends give us the appreciative feedback that we need. Without them we would probably become strange anti-social beings.
When is it better to break up with a girlfriend?
If I have the feeling that the other person is just pulling me down and doesn’t want anything good for me. Or when it gets boring and I realize that I’m not growing with the other person anymore.
