You sit with a few people and everyone only listens to him. He combines clever words into melodious sentences. His clear voice floods the whole room. He doesn’t speak particularly loudly, but very confidently. This man has charisma! You are fascinated – just like everyone else in this round. If you were asked what IQ this man has, what would you estimate it to be? Many of us consider a rhetorically gifted person to be particularly intelligent. And rate him otherwise rather positively, e.g. as sharp-witted, creative, talented. He is (at first) only a good speaker. We’ll have to find out if there’s more to it than that.
But this in-depth examination often does not come about at all. Because one characteristic – here the eloquence – outshines all others. Social scientists call this phenomenon the halo effect (derived from the Greek word “hálos” meaning “halo of light”). It makes a person appear in a certain light because we are blinded by a salient trait. The result: a distorted judgment. This applies in both a positive and a negative sense. Because we evaluate some people in their overall picture much more negatively, just because we are particularly annoyed by one characteristic of them. Perhaps the constantly nagging colleague has more potential than we give him credit for? To find out, we need to sharpen our social awareness. The following steps may help with this.
Table of Contents
collect informations
Gathering Information What do we know about a person when we meet them for the first time? What we see: a thoughtful face, unshaven skin , a casual shirt with paint stains. What we hear: a smoky voice. What we feel: a certain handshake. What we smell: a mixture of turpentine and sweat.
We register what is perceptible at this moment. Impressions – no more. And yet a fairly precise idea forms immediately as to who he or she might be: perhaps an artist? Our memory combines sensations into a concrete image. It uses existing knowledge structures, “schemes”, to assign a meaning to each new sensory impression. Our idea of a person becomes clearer the more impressions we collect. If possible on several channels. Non-verbal signals such as posture, facial expressions and gestures often say more than the spoken word. Let’s say you meet an old acquaintance and ask how it’s going. “We’re doing great,” you hear. But the eye perceives something else – dark circles and pale skin. At first glance, such paradoxical messages, so-called “double binds”, are irritating. But they also inspire us to observe more closely and ask questions. This works all the better the more relaxed we are ourselves and the more time we take for the other person. Just like a Buddhist wisdom says: “The most important person in our life is always the one standing in front of us.”
Question “drawers”.
Question “drawers”.
So-called implicit personality theories decide who we really see in our counterpart: our own ideas about which concrete characteristics a person should have. According to a study by Canadian social psychologists C. Hoffmann, I. Lau, and D. Johnson, many of us associate an “artist” with someone who is creative, moody, and serious, but also spirited and living a rather bohemian lifestyle. At least in our western world. In the imagination of the Chinese, for example, such a personality type does not exist. The culture and our own history determine the expectations with which we approach others. Even before we get to know him, we have a great deal of information about him as a member of a social group.
These stereotypes usually emphasize one characteristic in particular. “Men are not capable of multitasking,” is the general saying. That doesn’t do justice to the individual. A dark side of many stereotypes: They generalize strongly and sometimes even wrongly. But they also have a good side: They structure our inner image of the world. That’s why we set up social categories, “pigeons,” in our heads. One for “inflexible civil servants”, another for “absent-minded professors” or perhaps also for “quirky artists”. No matter what labels we use, everyone uses a mental filing system to classify new impressions. Otherwise we would be overwhelmed by the daily flood of information.
Whether you have these images in mind or others, you cannot meet anyone without prejudice. Unless you recognize the stereotype and then consciously ignore it. University of Wisconsin social scientist Patricia Devine calls this strategy “controlled information processing.” Imagine you are a human resources manager. During the interview, an older applicant will sit across from you. You’re skeptical because he’s long past 50. Attention, stereotype! Now you might say to yourself, “It’s not fair to turn him down because of his age.” For a while, the prejudice would be quashed – and the applicant would get a chance. A big step towards tolerance. At least at first glance.
Because this strategy would probably not have changed your inner attitude. What would really make you change your mind? arguments? More information about employees with the label “Ü50”? Probably neither. We usually only throw prejudices overboard when our own experience forces us to do so. So through contact with older colleagues in everyday work. Maybe in a project where everyone should reach a goal together. That’s where personal strengths count: experience, competence, ideas. By everyone – whether young or old.
put expectations into perspective
put expectations into perspective
Neither of us knows who the other actually is, no one can predict behavior with certainty. Otherwise there would not be such fatal personnel decisions, killing sprees or a second marriage with the same man. Predictions are so difficult because social perception is selective: we only observe someone for a certain period of time, only see a section of a person’s behavioral repertoire. And he always shows himself from different angles: he presents himself differently to his mother than to his boyfriend, and he presents himself differently to his boss. Our social roles require so much adjustment to survive in everyday life.
You know the dilemma between behavior and expectations from the office: someone who is new somewhere is sometimes experienced as distant, but they only hold back; anyone who quickly scurries past their colleagues has no real interest. One could think.
But maybe he’s just stressed and needs help. But that is a long time coming. Because even close friends only get what we show about ourselves. If you don’t get the desired feedback, it’s worth asking: Did the others even have a chance to react?
Be honest with yourself
Be honest with yourself
An ancient program of our genes decides whether someone appears likeable or trustworthy to us. It divides according to friend or foe – in a flash. How does this work? “The first impression is based on little information. A key feature is important, such as a clear voice,” explains Prof. Dr. Hans-Werner Bierhoff from the Ruhr University Bochum, one of the world’s leading social psychologists. “It serves as an ‘anchor stimulus’: a node in the network with which our brain maps personality traits.” If a positive character trait is activated in a chain of characteristics, others come to light. The first judgment about our counterpart is made – and we don’t give that up so easily.
If it turns out well (What a nice guy!), we interpret further information benevolently. We also behave accordingly: for example, unconsciously seek closeness, smile more – and are happy about the positive reactions. We triggered it ourselves. Of course unconsciously.
Our brain adapts messages that do not quite fit into our image. (He’s a bit too talkative. We call it communicative.) Only when things get tough (we find out how he’s behind our backsspeaks of us), let’s say goodbye to the first impression. Social scientists call this “contrast formation”. “Clear negative counter-information changes our picture. Man is not unbridled irrational. It incorporates new information,” confirms Prof. Bierhoff. His recommendation: “Less judgment based on memory, consciously collect new concrete data and include observations of others.”
Change the focus and empathize instead of judging
Change focus
Just as the first impression directs our perception, information from the outside can do the same. Let’s assume that the new colleague has a reputation for flirting, especially with the boss. If we hear that two or three times, the antennas are ready to receive – for every signal that can somehow be interpreted in this direction. And what might be going on in the minds of male colleagues? All speculation. But one thing is certain: the expectation determines our further perception as well as our behavior.
What a chance! We can decide for ourselves in which direction we want to look. For example, on the positive side of a colleague we don’t like. Give it a try: spend a week concentrating on good posts (be careful not to misinterpret!), nice gestures, the right tie, creative ideas… whatever you can think of. Maybe think about a few criteria beforehand? You will be amazed!
Empathize instead of judging
Imagine friends inviting you over for dinner. Gradually, the atmosphere relaxes, there is a lot of laughter. Only one sits a little off in the corner. “Disapproving look, bored demeanor, doesn’t speak to anyone – what does he want here?” You ask yourself and decide: “He’s quite introverted or arrogant, it doesn’t matter, at least a bore.” Not realizing that he’s just before dinner girlfriend on another man’s arm.
“He’s like this or that”: When we judge, we often stick to the person instead of asking about and including their situation and background. Social psychologists refer to this hasty attribution as a “fundamental attribution error”. We spontaneously look for the cause of behavior in people themselves. This saves time and energy, but often proves to be unfair. In order to really understand and properly assess the other, we have to slip into their shoes. As an Indian proverb says: “Never judge another man until you have walked in his moccasins for 24 hours.”
