Every day we share the office and canteen, steal each other’s pens and drink the last sip of coffee. We spend more time with our work colleagues than with family and friends. But while we can choose the latter, the boss and chance decide who sits across from us at the desk every day. Rarely does sympathy arise at first sight. It often takes time for colleagues to warm up to each other and form a team that really deserves the name.
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Everyone takes on a social role in the office. This creates trust and reliability
But once we’ve gained experience together, we soon know pretty much exactly what makes the others tick. Almost like in a family: There is the fatherly boss who feels responsible for everything, the funny uncle who cheers us up with his jokes, or the mother who happily cries and would love to take everyone on her lap and comfort them . Psychological studies confirm this phenomenon. They show: The relationships between work colleagues are much more than purely professional. Over the course of time, a variety of contacts develop between the copying room and the conference room. Sometimes warm and friendly, sometimes distant and complicated. With one we drink a glass of wine after work, with the other we find even 30 seconds in the elevator to be a stress test. This is also strongly reminiscent of the relationship.
For the Freiburg psychologist and leadership coach Hans-GeorgHuber a typical process. “In a team, everyone also takes on a social role. This ensures that a team works and that its members can get used to one another and can rely on each other.” That’s why Huber likes to compare office communities with soccer teams: “Some players can carry a team along at crucial moments, others bring the necessary calm when things get dicey, and still others do completely surprising things. Everyone has their rights.” Even those contemporaries who get on our nerves with their mental immobility (“We’ve always done it this way”) or their fear of the future (“It never works. We all get fired”). “Strenuous colleagues can also fill important positions,” says Huber: They find the fly in the ointment, the mistake in reasoning,
The office family must not be a substitute family. Boundaries prevent misunderstandings
We would most likely not recognize some of our colleagues if we met them outside of the office. The cynical personnel manager turns out to be a loving family man, the overly correct chief secretary plays folk theater in an amateur drama group. Huber explains: “In a work team, those character traits of a person that are beneficial for the professional community are strengthened.” Other things are hidden. Anyone who stands out for their diplomatic skills, for example, will be sent to the boss more quickly. Anyone who scores with solution-oriented thinking is asked for advice more and more often. The longer such an office community exists and gets settled, the stronger the family feeling becomes.“That’s a good thing,” says Huber. “This increases solidarity. Colleagues stand up for each other more and show understanding, for example when someone has private problems.” But despite all the “love”: Colleagues must not become substitute families. “There should always be a boundary with clear rules between private life and the office,” emphasizes Huber. We recognize more quickly where this runs and who is crossing it when we know which “job relatives” we have. We present the seven most common ones here. Of course, mixed forms also exist. Each office family member has special advantages, but also places typical social stumbling blocks in our (professional) path. That’s why we asked three experts to answer the seven most common relationship questions in everyday office life (see page 38). But for now:
Job Relatives: Top Seven
1. The mother hen
A lot of (compassion) feeling, fresh flowers, a family picture, small lucky charms, handicrafts from the children – her desk is a shrine to harmony. The good office soul undoubtedly strives for world peace and does its part in the office to ensure that it succeeds, at least there. She always has an open ear and comforts with cookies, sweets and coffee. She sensitively mediates between quarreling colleagues and encourages when a conversation with the boss is pending. But sometimes it gets too colorful for her. If the quarrels get out of hand, she can bang on the table with surprising severity and make it clear: Folks, that’s enough!
Advantages: The mother hen is the office’s emotional air conditioning system. With gentle support, it promotes general satisfaction and thus reduces the stress level.
Cons: She keeps co-workers busy with her “How are you today?” chatter. Sometimes her highly sensitive mood barometer also causes her to perceive problems where there are none.
Tips for handling: Think carefully about which problems the mother hen should learn about. What she doesn’t know, she doesn’t have to treat. This not only relieves them, but also the office community. If she asks you worried because you look kind of pale, sick or sad, signal: I’ll be fine, don’t worry.
2. The comedian
Red nose – “Humor is when you still laugh.” She absorbed this wisdom with her mother’s milk and always has a saying up her sleeve, no matter how serious the situation is. Sometimes with childish wit, sometimes ironic, biting or pointed: the comedian always (also) looks at the world through the eyes of a clown.
Pros: The comedienne improves the mood in every hallway, even when the workload is stressful. In doing so, she takes the heaviness out of her work and spices it up with a pinch of lightness. That motivates the team.
Disadvantage:“Woman Carefree” sometimes misjudges the seriousness of the situation. Then their jokes come to nothing and strain the nerves of their colleagues. Jokes at the expense of colleagues who are really having problems then lead to general embarrassment.
Handling tips: The comedian loves audiences and people who laugh at her. Nevertheless, don’t giggle out of habit, but also set limits when it comes to serious topics: “I would now like an objective answer from you.”
3. The Quiet
In a few words – some colleagues only get to know them when they accidentally draw their names at the Julklapp. The quiet one works through her workload without grumbling or growling and stands out for one thing in particular: inconspicuousness. The quiet woman is not disinterested in her colleagues. She likes to join them in the canteen. Then she listens, nodding or mumbling to herself. From time to time she even talks – but only when asked.
Advantages: The calm one is the Buddha in hectic everyday office life. Although the files are piling up, she radiates positive energy with her calmness (“One after the other.”) and thus reduces the psychological pressure on the less balanced colleagues.
Disadvantage:Your deep relaxation tends slightly towards indifference. If the quiet one becomes the “office sleeping pill”, the entire team can end up suffering from her slowness.
Tips for handling: Be specific about what you expect from her. Don’t be fobbed off by phrases like “calm down” when it’s urgent. Keep asking the quiet one specifically for her opinion. This encourages their willingness to participate.
4. The highly motivated
Ms. Ten Thousandvolts – With flowing hair and a steady step, she enters the office stage. In the luggage: a lot of energy and super good preparation. The highly motivated person sets high standards for herself and regularly takes work home with her. There are no problems, only challenges, is her motto. As a lead dancer in the team, she has a dedicated line to the boss. Sometimes we see her effort. Then she looks out the window and sips her coffee, lost in thought. But such moments are rare.
Advantages: The highly motivated person is always willing to take on responsibility, is happy about new tasks and can inspire the team with her positive outlook.
Disadvantage:Others may find her hands-on manner exhausting, especially if she doesn’t take their arguments seriously or has expectations of colleagues who don’t want to or can’t implement them.
Tips for dealing with it: The highly motivated needs clear announcements, otherwise they will not hear objections. Say in a friendly but firm manner what you can and cannot do. If necessary, also as a team (“We need to discuss your proposal again”).
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5. The realist
Facts, facts, facts She doesn’t let herself be fooled by an X for a U and gets to the heart of everything in meetings. When colleagues palaver about the future or exchange ideas about their dreams and wishes, she just shakes her head in pity. With her cleverness, however, she sees through the most difficult connections. Her favorite sentence: “People, think about it!”
Advantages: The realist protects the team from wrong decisions. Before an idea goes even remotely wrong, her pragmatic perspective brings everyone back down to earth.
Disadvantages: The realist can – if she finds ideas stupid – become irrelevant and present her arguments very pejoratively. Then she easily ridicules colleagues, and the mood in the team sinks.
Tips for dealing with it: The realist becomes uncomfortable when creative projects are pending and nobody pays attention to stumbling blocks. So let them voice their concerns as early as possible, it will reassure the whole team.
6. The inventor
Lots of loose ends A picture of Albert Einstein hangs in her room, chaos reigns on the desk. Yellow sticky notes are stuck everywhere, to-do lists, drawings and plans are piled up in the storage compartments. We are constantly working on new ideas on how work could be done better, more beautifully, more effectively and differently. In fact, the inventor always pulls off a real coup that inspires colleagues and superiors.
Advantages: Your creativity brings a breath of fresh air into the office when the monotony and everyday routine become too widespread. Especially when new projects start, the inventor provides decisive impulses during brainstorming.
Disadvantage:A lot of noise about nothing. Instead of working, the inventor often just produces hot air, gets bogged down, talks a lot and does little. This blocks the flow of work and ultimately weakens the entire team.
Tips for handling: Don’t let yourself be harnessed to your cart too quickly. The mistress of the castle in the air is happy to leave the practical implementation to her “rank and file”. Here it is important to set limits: “Good idea. Do it. I have to keep working now.”
7. The networker
Vitamin B What are the names of the children of the accounting colleague? When is the boss’ wedding anniversary? Where is the company outing going in 2014? The networker collects “soft” knowledge like other people collect vases and has a personal word for everyone. She is well informed who has which professional or private problem and uses this “vitamin B” wisely for her career.
Advantages : The networker makes everyone in the team feel “connected”. She introduces newcomers, builds bridges between brawlers. If there are problems, she knows who will find the best solution and brings these people to the table in a charming and effortless manner.
Disadvantage:Maintaining relationships takes time. The networker therefore often neglects her work. Whether tea kitchen, toilet or copier – she always and everywhere gets stuck in a chat.
Tips for handling: So that the work does not suffer from side conversations, it makes sense to arrange fixed meetings with the networker. But you shouldn’t tell her too much private information. There is a risk that the whole company will find out about it.
